Adopt A Sesshomaru
by Imperfectly Yours
Summary: AU After Kagome loses her cat Buyo, she searches for a new pet to replace him. She soon finds and adopts a free dog in the Adopt A Dog services, not realizing the trouble he will cause. REALLY funny, trust me! ON HOLD
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Sesshomaru. I wish I could adopt him though.

**Summary: **[AU After Kagome loses her cat Buyo, she searches for a new pet to replace him. She soon finds and adopts a free dog in the Adopt A Dog services, not realizing the trouble he will cause. Funny one-shot!

Please review!

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**Adopt A Sesshomaru  
**_By Imperfectly-Yours_

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Kagome sat down in her old chair, starting up her computer. She sighed. It had been three months since her favorite cat, Buyo, had passed. She missed him dearly, and cried over his death many nights. But she decided she needed to find a new pet. Not to replace him, or make her forget about him, but for company. She was lonely in her small apartment, and often longed for a companion.

So, here she was, loading up the internet, typing in in the search bar. Waiting for thirty seconds, the page soon appeared. She placed her hands on the keyboard, unsure of what to type. Would she want another cat? A dog? A bird? She didn't want another cat, because it would remind her too much of Buyo. And birds were loud, messy, and wanted too many crackers to afford. Maybe a dog would do. She pressed her fingers against the keys, typing in "adopt a dog," and pressed enter.

Many links appeared. She clicked the first one called "To Infinity and Beyond! Dog Adoptions." Instantly, many pictures appeared of fuzzy dogs, hairless dogs, big dogs, small dogs, ugly, pretty, etc. etc. She scrolled way down to the bottom. She didn't want a puppy, though they were awfully cute. They just made too much of a mess. She went to the last page, not finding any interest in Yorkshire Terriers or Pitbulls. She looked at the last dog at the very bottom. She saw a small picture of beautiful white gleaming hair. She clicked on the description without hesitation.

**Dog for Adoption!**

Name: Sesshomaru (or Blood-sucking man-eater by fellow employees)  
Breed: Unknown  
Age: Also, unknown  
Shots: Unable to give any  
M/F: Male  
Special Needs: Many, possibly a therapy session (it is advisable you don't poke him upon meeting)  
Description:

1. He can play dead, or make you dead.  
2. He can fetch a bone, or fetch Tetsusaiga.  
3. He'll never dig a hole, except for your grave.  
4.He'll guard the house, the food, but not you.  
5. He will come when you call him, or come after you.  
6. He gets along with everyone except beekeepers, toads, and clay pots.  
7. He never barks, but may bite. Never mind… he always bites.  
8. He'll roll over, or cause you to keel over in intense pain.  
9. He'll never run away from home, but may cause you to run away from home in fear.  
10. He won't ever drink out of the toilet, but may drink from the pools of blood after beheading you.

Kagome scrunched her eyebrows together. This was certainly an odd, and most of all, scary and dangerous dog, not at all what she was looking for. She was about to click the back button, when she saw in big, black, bold letters:

**FREE! WILL BE DELIVERED AS SOON AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE! GET HIM OFF OF OUR HANDS NOW!**

_Free?_ Compared to the other dogs that were priced at least a hundred dollars or more? It was a deal that was hard to go by without consideration. Maybe they were making him sound worse than he actually was, she reassured herself. She could also get a trainer if he needed some work. After a few minutes of thinking, she pushed the mouse over so that the clicker was on the "Adopt" button. Maybe she was thinking too fast? There were plenty of other dogs out there. She closed her eyes, and hesitantly pressed the right button on her mouse.

Instantly, a notice appeared.

**Thank you for adopting this dog! You have saved many lives of many people, mostly children, except your own. God help you.**

Kagome rolled her eyes. To her, this almost seemed like a joke. Little did she know that it was not.

(Insert _dundundun _and an evil cackle somewhere in the distance)

She finished typing in her postal information. She felt a little odd as she typed in "5436 Reincarnation Avenue." Maybe she had made the wrong decision. But, she had to live with it, and maybe learn from it.

So, Kagome waited for what seemed a century. Actually, it was only two hours, until her doorbell rang. She jumped up from her couch, very excited and apprehensive. Peeking through the eye hole, she saw a delivery man screaming as he ran down the side walk from a large box that was now on her doorstep. She opened the door slightly. She heard scratching and growling, as if it was some sort of a rabid evil furry thing.

She cringed as she gently tugged on the box, using all her strength to pull it over the doorway. Shutting the door behind it, she rubbed her hands together, satisfied.

She realized she had to get scissors to open the box. As she walked to the kitchen, she heard the box shaking and jumping on the floor, consequently knocking down a lamp. The whole house went dark for a moment. Feeling like someone was watching her she quickly grabbed the scissors from the cabinet. She also grabbed a knife. Of course she would need to protect the food.

Walking back cautiously, she carefully slid the sharp side of the scissors across the piece of tape that was holding the box together. Instantly, a tall figure popped out.

Miles away, people looked up to the sky, wondering where that awful screaming was coming from.

Kagome covered her mouth in shock. There was no furry dog wagging its tail with happiness. Instead, there was a man with white hair, gleaming golden eyes, and a strange fluffy thing across his shoulder. It was a stranger! An intruder! She reached for the phone, but realized that the phone was across the room, and she fell down as she grasped air. The man stared down at her, his eyebrows raised to the heavens. She stood up hastily, wiping off her skirt though nothing was there.

"Thank god I'm out of that infuriating box. The damn tape was impossible to tear through." The man growled, flexing his now visible claws.

Kagome looked at the box in surprise. On the two folds was a teeny-tiny piece of scotch tape, messily put on. She looked back at her "dog" and felt her mouth steadily drop to the floor.

"They didn't send me a dog! They sent me an odd looking man!" She exclaimed out loud.

"What did you say, wench?" The man replied, his eyes cold and unforgiving.

A small peep came out of Kagome's mouth. "Did I say that out loud?" She asked quietly, putting a finger over her mouth.

"No, I can read minds." He said, his voice carrying sarcasm.

"You can? What?!" She exclaimed loudly, reaching her arms to the ceiling, almost as if gesturing 'someone must be out to get me.'

"I was just kidding." He replied, and he too slightly rolled his eyes at her foolishness.

"Oh." She said quietly, slightly relieved.

"So, who are you?" She asked, not sure of what else to say.

"I don't know." He replied curtly. She looked at him strangely.

"At any rate, I'm really sorry about this. When I saw the picture online, all I saw was a bunch of white, silky hair. I thought that it was a REALLY REALLY old, quiet and good natured FEMALE dog. I mean, seriously, the picture made you look ANCIENT." She said, counting her fingers as she listed the details of the picture.

He growled lowly, flexing his claws.

"Shoot. I'm thinking aloud again, aren't I?" Kagome frowned. She wasn't acting her usual self.

"Yes, wench." He replied, glaring at her.

"Will you stop calling me 'wench?' It's really getting annoying." Kagome attacked him suddenly in defense.

"Yes, when you stop calling me an ancient, gentle, female dog." She had to suppress a smile at this.

Kagome rolled her eyes, feeling little patience to argue with him.

"Well, would you like something to eat? I'm totally stocked up on Kibbles N' Bits."

Sesshomaru gave her a cold stare.

"No. I think I would prefer to catch a fresh meal in the back. Perhaps a small rodent will do." He told her, and she looked away, rolling her eyes again. But, to her surprise, he immediately began to walk to the back door.

_He was serious?_ She thought incredulously, not bothering to pay attention to the fact that he didn't even open the screen door, but just tore through it with his sharp claws.

She followed his figure with her eyes, watching him from her window. She saw him catch a squirrel that was apparently flying through the air. She pondered momentarily over the fact that there even was a flying squirrel near her apartment, but discarded it soon. There was too much to think about at the moment. What would she do about her "dog?" How would she explain this to her friends who often visited? She had no answers to what she asked herself.

Instead, she went to the kitchen, and got herself a cup of warm tea.

_The End_

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Hahahaha. My friend and I wrote this in like an hour. We were cracking up the whole time, finding this very amusing. I don't know if you will, but I hope you will at least find it entertaining. I know, it's a lot different than my one shot, which is focused on death and pain. 

Well, if you enjoyed, please review. I'd like some feedback on our sudden randomness. PLEASE! And thank you : )


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Sesshomaru. I wish I could adopt him though.

**Summary: **[AU After Kagome loses her cat Buyo, she searches for a new pet to replace him. She soon finds and adopts a free dog in the Adopt A Dog services, not realizing the trouble he will cause. Now a full story series!

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**Adopt A Sesshomaru – Chapter 2  
**_By Imperfectly-Yours_

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It was at least forty minutes until the gleaming haired so called 'dog' walked back into the house. Kagome, who was in still shock (not to mention there was a furry piece of brown hair hanging by his mouth) tried to pretend nothing was happening and everything was normal – the way it was _supposed_ to be. This plan worked – until he began interacting with her, at which point she began screaming hysterically at every word he said. Eventually she calmed down, only when he started to complain and flexed his claws once or twice.

"You know, you can leave any time you'd like." She said to him suddenly, eye-balling the arrange of weapons he carried with him.

"In fact, I WANT you to leave okay? So um, any time you like, find your way to the door, and uh open it, and go find some squirrels, 'kay?" She added quickly, trying to point at the door, when actually she was pointing at a wall.

"And what if I don't wish to leave?" He replied, raising an eyebrow.

"You know? I had a feeling that was coming. Actually, you can stay. Stay for ever and ever and see if I care!" At this point she began laughing hysterically, and Sesshomaru walked a few steps back from her. "Actually, I'll do what any good pet owner would do: I'll research you! There's got to be some information on your uh, 'breed.'" She replied, almost running to the computer, not realizing that any other person would think she was PMS'ing because she was acting so strange.

Murdering her screensaver by moving the mouse, she instantly clicked on the internet, and then went to her favorites (she put on there knowing she would need it again.) Clicking on the search bar, she encountered her first problem – how was his blasted name spelled?

"Lets see, S-e-s-h-o-u-" She backspaced those letters, rolling her eyes. What kind of name was this?

"Okay, I'll do what I did in first grade – sound it out."

"S-e-s-h-o-m-a-r-u." She typed, this time feeling pretty confident. But when she pressed enter, there it was, in big black letters, **No search results found.** She cursed.

And so, she began trying many silly variations of the name including "Seshoumaruu," or "Sesshohmaroo" and even "Sehshowmahrooh." Every time, there was no results, and she could feel her temper rising.

"OF COURSE his name had to have a strange spelling and seem like it came from an ancient–civilization. Heck, just by looking at the names, he and Zaboomafoom could be brothers." She said, heatedly. Finally, she decided to just type in something she knew she would get search results for- "strange man appearing on door step in box." Instantly, she got a whole page of results, but realized none of them were relevant to what she needed.

**Web Results  
**1. Harry Leichter's Jewish Humor Page 30  
Gently, the Jewish couple pressed the Gentile man. "Just have a taste. ... The next day, magically appearing on the doorstep of the barbershop are 12 gold ...

2. ABC - From Inside the Box - Zap2it 'Lost':  
The Illustrated Man. By Rick Porter. February 21, 08:53 PM. In so much as we now appear to have put a cap on the Alcatraz arc on Lost, ...

3. The Pickwick Papers - CHAPTER XXXV:  
'No, not all of you,' said the strange man emphatically. 'I've taken two places. If they try to squeeze six people into an infernal box that only holds four ...

4. Plastephobia! How and Where to treat it!:  
Afraid boxes will turn up on your doorstep, and a duck will just pop out? …millions suffer from it…put an end to it! … (not as serious as you think) …

As she saw number four, she read it aloud to herself, mocking an overly enthusiastic voice. Yet, she still clicked on the link, suddenly curious. She had never heard of it before, and maybe it could help her. For all she knew, it could be 'the fear of blood-thirsty Sesshomaru's lurking in your closet.'

The page soon appeared. Scrolling down, after mounds of text, she found the description –

**Plastephobia**, or commonly known as _Duckwatchinguphobia_, is the fear that at anytime, any where, a duck could be watching you.

Kagome could not help but let out a giggle. Yet, at the same time, she found herself peering behind her shoulder. She felt a small paranoia that a duck, at any time, could pop its head through her ventilation system and scream in a very obnoxious voice "AFLAC!" She shrugged it off, and rolled her eyes. What in the world did this junk have to do with Sesshomaru? She exited out of the window, and continued her search. After an hour, she gave up. All she could find was a bunch of random information, including that the plastic tips on the end of shoelaces are called 'aglets,' and that beaver poo is called 'smack.' Though she found this very enlightening and life-altering, she had to give up. She was wasting time, and getting no where.

She then realized what she needed to do – she had to ask Sesshomaru herself. He _should_, out of anyone, know himself best. It was also at this point that Kagome realized she had gotten the monkey, but hadn't got the bananas.

She minimized the window, figuring she'd probably use it later. She then got up, and looked for Sesshomaru. Walking through the kitchen, she forgot that Sesshomaru wasn't a dog, but a human, and decided to yell for him, almost expecting him to run to her, wagging his fluffy boa like a tail behind him and barking enthusiastically.

**(A/N: Ha ha. :P)**

"Sesshy!" She called, whistling. "Here boy!"

She immediately heard a growl, and she then remembered he wasn't a dog – and his temper. But what really stood out in her mind was a description she had read earlier about him: "He will come when you call him, or come after you." She cringed.

Sesshomaru appeared from the hallway, glaring daggers at her.

"Heh, hi Sesshomaru, Master of all things Evilly Evilly Evil, Overlord of Pain, Founder of the Club _I'm Going To Kill You_." She said, attempting at flattery. Instead, he just looked at her as if she had a humongoid fly attacking her nose.

"Yeah, well anyways. Searching on the internet for things about you proved unsuccessful. Yet I did find out that beaver crap was called smack, which I hadn't known before…" She mumbled to herself.

"But, I need to know some things about you. So, tell me, uh, what exactly are you?" Kagome asked suddenly, looking at him with eagerness. He was, after all, a very odd looking man. He had long white hair, purple markings on his face, a strange cloth outfit that looked like something her Grandma would wear to bed, and a fluffy white boa which made her doubt his true identity of gender. All in all, he did look like a _she_, and luckily she remembered to bite her tongue and not to tell him.

"Well, maybe that was unfair of me. What I meant to ask was, you know, I guess just tell me about yourself." She corrected herself after Sesshomaru hadn't answered her in a many long seconds.

He gave her an odd look.

"As long as this doesn't turn into a 'therapy session.'" He gave her a suspicious look, and she let out a barely audible giggle.

"Well, just as you had mistaken me, so did these strange animal-obsessed people at a place called, I think, a 'kennel.' As soon as we arrived, for they had shoved me in the back of a truck, they realized I wasn't a dog. Yet, they decided to keep me, for whatever reason. Humans can be very strange, I've discovered. So, I stayed there. And the longer I stayed, so did my appetite. In fact, I have been relocated probably about a dozen times, only after one of the dogs has 'gone missing.'" Kagome could just picture it in her mind, the remains of poor Fluffy: his collar, and one paw…

"And your family?" She questioned, trying not to back away, realizing he was a 'dog murderer,' and humans were much larger in size, and, in some cases (thinking of her Uncle Satu) hairier.

"Probably suffering the same fate as I." He replied, and she thought she could see the small flicker of a smile.

"Oh, and what is that?" She asked, her words defensive.

"Stuck in a lowly apartment with a hysterical girl hell-bent on knowing 'what I am.'" He answered with a slight sneer on his face.

"Oh, really?" She asked, crossing her arms.

"Precisely."

"Well, you know, it's starting to get late, so this 'hysterical girl' is going to go take a shower, and then get a bite to eat. As I said, there's a bag of Kibbles N' Bits I know you've been eye balling, so help yourself." She said, walking away. She could feel his angry glare on the back of her neck, and she felt satisfaction that she had gotten him back.

About ten minutes later, Kagome was rinsing out her hair, and then turned off the water, at which point the shower knobs squeaked loudly as if screaming in agony.

In habit, she reached for the towel rack for a towel to dry herself off with. Instead of a nice, fluffy material, she felt air. Maybe she moved it over too far. She reached farther with her arm, but continued to grasp nothing but air. She stuck her head out of the curtains, knowing she did, for a fact hang up a towel and put a pair of clothes on the toilet for her to wear after she dried. But when she looked at the scene before her, she saw nothing. No towel. No clothes.

"Holy mackerel, I've been robbed of my under clothing!" She said suddenly, not completely sure what happened to them, or if she even remembered to bring them to the bathroom in the first place.

Then, she saw the door was opened a crack, when she knew for a fact she had closed it all the way.

"SESSHOMAROOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" She yelled loudly, rattling the glass door of her shower.

Miles away, people looked up to the sky, wondering who the heck Sesshomaru was.

_The End_

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Bleh. I know, that was pretty bad. It lacked any sort of visible humor. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself. I dunno. I mean, a lot of it was inside jokes with my friend, which I realized probably isn't the best to include in a story that people who don't know the inside jokes are going to read. There was its funny moment's I'll admit, but not AS funny as the first one. Bleh. I'm rambling and ranting.

Just to let you know, for the search part when Kagome is on the internet, I actually did search that and paste the results, lol. But I made up the fourth result, which is an ACTUAL phobia. Though I couldn't find it on Google (I probably misspelled it) but I know for a fact that it is real. And I know, Sesshomaru stealing her clothes is very out of character, but heck, I've been twisting the facts of the show enough for comedy-sake, so just…deal with it : )

So, don't be discouraged! Chapter 3, 4, and 5 are going to be hilarious. I swear it. So alert it and I promise you'll be cracking up by the end of this week!


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Sesshomaru. I wish I could adopt him though.

**Summary: **[AU After Kagome loses her cat Buyo, she searches for a new pet to replace him. She soon finds and adopts a free dog in the Adopt A Dog services, not realizing the trouble he will cause. Now a full story series!

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**Adopt A Sesshomaru – Chapter 3  
**_By Imperfectly-Yours_

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Kagome sat at her kitchen table and pouted. All morning long, she could only think of the previous night, and how nasty evil rotten rabid Sesshomaru had played that awful trick on her. She wasn't mad at the trick mostly, because it was just a big inconvenience, but because he had managed to pull it off, and escape any sort of pay back that he deserved. 

She let out a loud sigh, remembering that after she discovered her clothes were missing, all she could do was walk to the bathroom door (she almost slipped, and left large puddles of water that soon attracted colonies of hair) and had to check, and double check, and triple check, no one was around, so that she could hi-tail to her room. When she dried and dressed, she looked around the apartment, finding that Sesshomaru had left! He was smart all right, she had to give him that, but she could not help but stomp around the house a little more. And when she sat down and turned on the T.V. she glowered at the screen, only thinking when Mr. Sunshine was going to return home.

"Ooh, the good-for-nothing little shi-" She mumbled to herself in anger, when she stopped as she heard the screen door being opened. She sprang up from her chair.

Suddenly, Sesshomaru stepped into the hallway, in plain sight of Kagome, standing there as if nothing had happened.

"You!" She pointed a long, menacing finger at him.

"Yes?" He asked, his voice remaining calm despite that at any moment steam was going to burst out of Kagome's ears.

"You took my clothes and towel out of the bathroom last night! And then disappeared after I had managed to run all over the house looking for a towel, sopping wet, and naked I might add!" She hollered.

"Perhaps." He remarked, looking at his nails in disinterest.

She glared at him with such a fiery anger that it almost burned a hole through his face. "Don't play the 'indifference game' with me. You know very well what you did."

"How can you be sure? I mean, simpleton, like you humans, forget to bring necessities and put themselves into the most peculiar situations." He stated very matter-of-factly.

At this, Kagome let out a long sigh and threw her hands in the air in protest.

"Alright, fine. It was a cute trick, a nice way to get me back. But now, I have something for you to try to swallow down. Since you remain in my house, and I did 'adopt' you, that would make me your 'master' of sorts. And so, as your _master_, I want you to take a shower today. I don't mind when; just take one whenever you feel you can handle it. Oh, and as a warning, if you flake out on me, I'll get an exterminator to come out here and get rid of all the tasty flying squirrels in the back lot." She said, her voice malicious, and a slight, evil grin rested on her face. He looked at her, monotony painted all over his face. He was clearly unimpressed.

"_That_ is my punishment?" He looked at her with raised eyebrows. Her grin quickly faded.

"Well, yes. I mean, with all this new technology nowadays, I'd say it's pretty darn hard how to figure out how to work the thing without getting blasted in the face with something frigid or as hot as lava." She said, adding in the best descriptions she could to intimidate him. Still, he looked unimpressed.

"Should I be scared?" He replied, yawning in an over-exaggerated way.

Kagome was about ready to slap him, or slap herself for letting him take control of what was supposed to be her moment of come-back for the shower incident.

"Well, I'm pretty sure you've never taken a shower in your life. Anyways, don't you and your fellow dogs clean yourselves by licking your body?" She said, crossing her arms.

His eyes narrowed. "I believe you have gotten me mistaken with a cat." He growled.

"Oh really? Well I sure don't see the difference!"

(Insert a wanna-be ghetto guy saying "Ooooh, you just got burned!")

Kagome could not help but let out a snort of laughter. His angry face was enough to tell her that she succeeded in insulting him. She decided to leave it at this, and let him rot in his own misery.

"Well you know, I have better things to do than throw insults at you. Tell me when you're going to take your shower. I want to record your screams of pain." She added, with a slight smirk, walking away to the living room.

She soon reached the couch, and sat down, sinking into it with relaxation. Reaching for the remote, she clicked on the T.V., greeted by the calm voice of an older lady.

"Flying squirrels are among nature's most graceful animals. Watch this young squirrel, which researchers have named Nutz, soar from tree to tree. Notice the skin near its arms as it spreads its limbs to fly, much like a hairy bird."

Kagome changed the channel when she suddenly heard the clicking of the bathroom door being shut. With a silly grin on her face, she dropped the remote on the seat of the couch, and crept silently to outside of the door, pressing her ear against it.

She heard the slight movement of walking – the shuffling of feet, and the curtains of the shower being yanked open. She smiled slightly – no, it wouldn't be long now. After all, she forgot to mention that the shower knobs were backward, so if he were to turn what was labeled hot, he would actually be greeted by frigid water…

She heard what sounded like he was stepping into the tub, and had to suppress a giggle. This was going to be good.

And then, she heard the loud squeaking as he was turning the knob of the shower, and the pounding of the jets of water that hit the tub.

"Heh, the wench was lying. This isn't too bad." She could hear him say, his voice muffled. She then heard him turn the knob a little more.

She giggled. She began a count down in her head.

_3…_

_2…_

_1…_

Suddenly, a loud howl erupted from the bathroom, and a lot of stomping around could be heard.

"Its ice water!" He bellowed, and he began frantically turning the knobs, in an attempt to make it even a little warmer. At this point she was laughing silently, covering her mouth in an attempt trying not to make a sound. But soon, she could hear him sighing loudly in relief.

"Finally. I could have sworn that other knob said 'Hot.'" He announced to himself.

_3…_

_2…_

_1…_

"OWCHH!" He yelled again, only a few moments later. "What manner of the devil and trickery is this?" She could hear him yell once more, and a loud crash, as if he dived out of the tub to escape the burning water.

At this point, Kagome was on the floor in a fit of laughter, holding her stomach as it clenched up through the hilarity.

"I will not accept this! I demand apology!" Sesshomaru roared, apparently at the shower head that had scorched his back. And then, she heard what sounded like a battle cry, and another large crash. Kagome's eyes widened. Was he trying to destroy the bathroom now?

She peeked under the door, seeing Sesshomaru's feet no where in sight. And then, there was another large crash, a yell of triumph, and a blinding light that escaped from the bathroom, in hues of yellow and purple.

Kagome stood up, momentarily dazed.

"Sesshomaru? Is everything all right in there?" She called feebly, knocking on the door.

"The blasted thing is playing tricks on me!" She could hear him yell, and another blasting light flashed from under the door.

"Uh, Sesshomaru, it's a shower-head. You can turn it off if you'd like." She replied, scrunching her eyebrows together.

"I will destroy every last bit of it!" He bellowed. Kagome stepped away from the door, knowing that he was serious. As she backed away, she could hear what sounded like swipes on metal and a loud clang as if something dropped into the bottom of the tub. She figured he had chopped the shower head off of the metal stem, and wondered if she should run in there real quick and save the rest of her poor bathroom.

However, before she could decide, the worst happened. The phone rang.

Kagome froze. She remembered suddenly that her mother said to 'expect a call in the next few days from me.' She said that, only a week ago. Kagome stood, trying to listen for the answering machine over the yells, hollers, and snarls that were coming from the bathroom at the time. And then, as the last ring of the phone ended, she could hear the feeble, croaking voice of her mother.

"Kagome, dear, I know you're there, so please answer the phone. It's your dear old mother calling, and I have some important news to tell you. So please, before I die of old age, pick up the phone…"

Kagome yelled, exasperated. She then ran over to the phone, and with hesitant hand, pressed the talk button.

"Hello?" She asked, plugging an ear to hear her mother talking.

"Hello Kagome. Oh, dear. What's that awful racket in the background?" She could hear her mother question. Kagome, because she carried around a lot of good luck, had managed to answer just as Sesshomaru yelled "Die, you evil spawn of darkness!"

"Oh, nothing Mom." Kagome lied. She could almost hear her mother raising her eyebrows.

"It doesn't sound like 'nothing.' Now tell me this instant, or I will come over and see for myself exact-" Her mother began to scold when Sesshomaru let out a huge roar that could probably be heard from miles.

"No, impossible! It's indestructible!" They heard him yell. Kagome felt an urge to yell back "It's stainless steel, moron!" But she didn't. Instead, she began to panic.

"Kagome!" Her mother croaked, much louder than usual.

"Sorry, mom, it's uh, the T.V." Kagome lied again.

"Well, turn it off! It's making me more deaf than I already am!" Her mother replied.

"Uh, I can't. I lost the remote." Kagome was in disbelief at herself. That was probably the lamest excuse she could make.

"Don't be smart with me. You can find the energy in yourself to go over and turn off the T.V." Her mother scolded again.

"I actually can't. You see, it's the kind where you can only turn it off with a remote. There's no buttons on the T.V., or anything." Kagome shook her head. Her mother's brain must be melting if she believes this.

"Hmm. Well maybe you need to get a new T.V. It seems very inconvenient." Her mother said. Kagome remained silent.

"Well, at any rate, go somewhere quieter. I have exciting news for you, and perhaps you would have known sooner if you ever checked your email once in a while." Kagome rolled her eyes. It was probably something like 'I won my first Bridge game at the retirement home. I had a few sips of Gin, too!'

Kagome walked to the office, closing the doors. Though Sesshomaru's yells could be heard faintly, her mother reported that it was a lot better than before.

"So, what's the exciting news I needed to hear so badly?" She asked, sitting at her chair.

"Alright, alright. Your Uncle Satu is getting married!" Her mother squeaked.

"What?!" Kagome could not help but let that out in shock. Her Uncle Satu was… too hairy for marriage. Either he had found a woman equal in hairiness, or was marrying a gorilla.

"I know! Isn't it wonderful? Why don't you check your email now, you can see a picture of them both." Kagome shivered. Whenever she had looked at a picture of her uncle, or seen him at a family party, she had an irresistible desire to shave…

"Hmm, fine. What's her name?" She asked, hesitantly.

"Freda." She replied happily.

"Great." She said in disinterest, opening up her email box. Discarding the fact that she had 2.087 unread emails, she went to the very top, where it said **Unread: Wedding in the Spring!** She clicked on it, closing her eyes as it loaded.

"Well?" Her mother snapped impatiently. She opened her eyes. There was her uncle, as hairy as ever, and his fiancé. OF COURSE. Freda had a HUGE unibrow, that pretty much took up most of her face.

"Lovely. A wedding I'll be sure to go to." She replied, sarcastically. She would much rather visit the chimps at the zoo, though there wasn't really much of a difference.

"Hey mom, I gotta go, uh find the remote to my T.V. I love you." Kagome lied, knowing that she had to leave and see a certain pup that had an awful lot of explaining to do.

"Alright dear. I love you too." Kagome clicked off the phone, sighing. Another crazy day, and soon, another busted blood vessel in her head after she had a word with Sesshomaru.

Putting the phone its cradle, Kagome rushed to the bathroom, swinging open the bathroom door. She found Sesshomaru, on all fours in the tub, holding the shower head in his mouth, apparently trying to tear it apart with his teeth.

"Give me that. Do you know how much trouble you have caused me with your little tizzy fit?" She said, close to yelling. He looked up at her, an indifference look captivating his face once more.

"No." He replied, standing up, wiping off his soaked garments as if something was there.

"Ugh! You're impossible!" She yelled this time, and stormed out of the bathroom before he could even say anything else or take a plan of action.

_The End_

* * *

Heh. That was enjoyable to write. I hope you enjoyed it as well! Chapter 4 out tomorrow, I have few things I have to take care of today. 

PLEASE REVIEW!

Cheers!


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Sesshomaru. I wish I could adopt him though.

**Summary: **[AU After Kagome loses her cat Buyo, she searches for a new pet to replace him. She soon finds and adopts a free dog in the Adopt A Dog services, not realizing the trouble he will cause. Now a full story series!

* * *

**Adopt A Sesshomaru – Chapter 4  
**_By Imperfectly-Yours_

* * *

Kagome sat on her couch, watching some hideous bald man drabble on about "Saving Flying Squirrels" on T.V. though his voice was squeaky, his giant cheek mole and furry eyebrows commanded total attention. It seemed as though they were very dark caterpillars head-butting each other. She switched off the T.V., suddenly disgusted. Instead, she sat, just thinking. It had been two days since she first adopted and met Sesshomaru, and though she told him many times he could leave if he wished, he continued to stay. Since then, it had been a thrilling and epic adventure that would forever change their lives. Not. Well…maybe. 

It was just yesterday that her mother had called at a very inconvenient time, precisely when Sesshomaru was trying to destroy the shower-head after attempting to take a shower. She had to make up a ridiculous excuse to cover him up. At least, now, there was peace and quiet. No intruders, no interruptions, just peace and ---

The door bell suddenly rang, causing Kagome to jump. She cussed very loudly, now completely sure that someone was definitely out to get her.

And, coincidently, right as her anger reached its peak that a building on a hill in the distance collapsed for no apparent reason.

She peeked through the eyehole, partly expecting (and hoping) that it was someone from Jehovah's Witness. Instead, she saw the smiley face of a good friend she had met at high school a few years back. She sighed. If she ignored her friend and left her there on the doorstep, it would haunt her for all eternity.

Grimacing, she opened the door so that only her face showed.

"Kagome! Hey!" Her friend greeted, smiling broadly.

"Hey! What a _pleasant_ surprise!" Kagome replied, faking a smile in return.

"Yeah, I decided to swing by since I was in the neighborhood. May I come in?" She asked sincerely and innocently.

Kagome giggled softly, wondering if she was over doing it.

"Of course! Give me just one moment." Kagome replied, and softly, but quickly shut the door. She turned around, her mind racing. She had to find Sesshomaru, and fast.

"Yeah, she was in the neighborhood, my ASS." Kagome muttered as she looked throughout her apartment, trying to find Sesshomaru. Finally, stopping in her room, she found him sniffing a perfume bottle curiously. Almost diving at him, she yanked him by his fluffy boa, and dragged him to the bathroom down the hall. Opening the door, she shoved him in, ignoring the angry glance she received.

"Listen, my friend just showed up. I'm locking you in here. Don't make a noise, talking, climb out of the window, use the toilet, and for the love of all things fluffy, please don't use the shower head!" She panted loudly. Before he could protest, she reached in, switched the lock on, and closed the door with a snap. At the moment, she didn't realize that at any time he could unlock the door and step outside. Perhaps it was better if she didn't know that.

Rushing back to the door, she placed her hand on the door knob, taking a deep breath, hopeful that her friend didn't have the urge to go the bathroom at any time during their quick visit.

Kagome opened the door widely, and her friend stepped in, not paying attention to the drops of sweat that was falling off of Kagome's face because of nerves.

"Have a seat," Kagome offered, pointing at a fan on the floor.

"Uh, thanks." Her friend replied, instead sitting on the couch. Kagome sat on the other end and turned on the TV with the remote. Immediately she began laughing hysterically, for no apparent reason.

"Did you see how dog'gone funny that was? These kinds of shows can make me bark all night long with laughter!" She said, clutching her stomach. She apparently thought it was a comedy of sorts on the T.V.

"Uh, Kagome. Maybe you don't know but were watching the NEWS, and they are reporting that since 2000, deaths from cancer have tripled." Her friend informed her, looking at her strangely.

Instantly, Kagome stopped laughing.

"You know, I wasn't really listening." She said quietly, flustered.

"Huh. Maybe this was a bad time to come," (at this point Kagome had the urge to yell "NO SHIT!") "I mean, you look kind of pale, and sweaty. Do you feel ill?" She asked, obviously faking concern.

"Oh yes, terrible. Which is good reason for you to leave, right now." Kagome said, feeling her forehead to add an effect. But her friend didn't budge. "Let me get some refreshments. It feels like its burning up a hay barn in here." Kagome made up yet another lame excuse, rolling her eyes as she walked away.

"Sounds great. Just stay away from the knife rack, okay?" Kagome's friend called after her as she hurried to the kitchen.

Just as she was pouring two glasses of water, she heard a voice from the hallway.

"Hey, Kagome? Can I use your bathroom real quick?" Her friend asked suddenly, her hand placed on the door knob. Kagome's eyes widened, putting large dinner plates to shame. She ran over, pulling her friend from the door as if it was about to eat them both.

"Uh no! No no no no no!" She said quickly, almost scolding her friend. She looked at Kagome strangely, raising an eyebrow.

"And, why not?" She asked, looking at the door curiously.

"Well you see. Um, its quite terrible actually. Well, you see, there's a terrible plumbing problem in there. The toilet is spewing up all sorts of things, you know, and the smell is terrible. I can't filter it out or anything." She nodded vigorously, making up the story off the top of her head.

Her friend looked at her suspiciously, sniffing the air. At this point, there was the sound of walking from inside the bathroom.

"Whose th-" A voice said, slightly muffled. Kagome banged her fist against the bathroom door, silencing the voice.

"Is someone in there?" Her friend took a step towards the door, but Kagome stopped her.

"Uh, no. Well yes, my new dog is in there." She said, taking her fist and patting the door gently, as if apologizing to the wood for smackdown it received.

"You mean to say, your dog can talk?"

"Don't be ridiculous." Kagome tried to make a noise that sounded like a guffaw, but it came out as a snort instead. Her friend raised both eyebrows.

"And why is your 'dog' in there? The fumes must be terrible. And you know dog's noses are much more sensitive than ours, so it's probably very irritated right now." She questioned, leaving Kagome cornered.

"Well uh, you see he's new. And well, its sort of punishment. You see, yesterday. He did something very bad. He left a nasty poo poo on the rug for me to clean up." Kagome confided, trying to sound convincing.

"What?! Let me-" A voice said suddenly, much louder than before.

"Help you! Let me help you!" Kagome finished the sentence, banging on the door again. She looked at her friend, grinning like an idiot.

"What are you talking about? What's going on, Kagome?" She questioned, looking around.

"Its quite funny actually. Yesterday, I was walking – no running – no driving a car to my therapy session. And uh, the therapist said that to me. And then she said 'Kagome, I advise you get a dog. It seems like the loss of your cat has made you Sesshou- I mean stranded, with grief. A new companion will help you deal with it.' So I adopted one, at which point it left a nasty poo poo on my rug, and so I punished it, which brings us to where we are now." She explained, imitating a voice that was supposed to be that of her therapists, but came out as that of a mix between Darth Vader and Michael Jackson.

"Right. Well, I really don't have to go to the bathroom any more. Maybe we could go to the kitchen and get a bite to eat?" Her friend asked, rolling her eyes slightly. She obviously didn't find Kagome's story very convincing, but didn't want to persist.

"Sure! Perfect! I have a fresh batch of dog biscuits waiting. Er- I mean cookies. Yeah. Lets go. Like now." She stuttered, pushing her friend harshly from behind away from the door.

As they sat down at the kitchen and her friend began to nibble on a cookie, Kagome wiped her forehead in relief. That was too close for comfort, not to mention the certain dog in there that had made the situation even more difficult.

The rest of the day, well the next thirty minutes, seemed to go by as slowly as her Grandma crossing a street. The minute hand on the clock seemed to taunt her, going so slow it looked like it had stopped. Kagome was stressed enough to the point she wanted to climb up the wall Spider-man style and take it from the wall, take the minute hand out of the glass, and break it in half. But she didn't. Almost.

After a long talk about something Kagome wasn't even listening to, her friend left (more or less, Kagome shoved her out the door) and Kagome was left in the now silence and calmness of her small, cramped, wish-she-could-replace-it apartment. Well, it was quiet, until Sesshomaru started banging on the door, asking if he could come out.

"Yes, Sesshomaru, she's gone." Kagome yelled loudly through the house, not wanting to get up and tell him in person. Soon she heard the clicking of the door and his feet against the carpet.

Soon he was right in front of her, his eyes squinting in anger.

"_I_ made a nasty poo poo on the rug?" Raising both eyebrows, he looked at Kagome, who shrunk back into the couch.

"Well! You made it difficult by talking, so I had to come up with something quick." She said argued.

"You could have made any other excuse in the world, instead of _that_!" He exclaimed in defense, obviously irritated at what she had said.

"Don't be so irked! It's not my fault she came so unexpectedly!" Kagome cried out, sitting up.

"But you let her in! Therefore it is your fault!" He argued.

"I'm not going to argue Sesshomaru. I'm not your mom." She said, glaring at him.

"Yeah, and you're not my dog-walker or dog-sitter either. So stop acting like I am a dog, which I'm not. You never know, some day I may decide to act like one, just to see if you like it." He glared back.

Kagome rolled her eyes. "Be my guest. Then I could at least have a pet, which I did order for in the first place."

Sesshomaru scoffed and walked out of the room, evil and malicious plans forming in his head.

Little did Kagome know that that day would be tomorrow.

_MUAHAHAHAHA._

_The End._

* * *

Well, it didn't come out as funny as I thought it would. I hope it would be at least entertaining. I was trying to rush and finish it, because if I didn't then I wouldn't be able to update it till Saturday or Sunday. 

Please review! And thanks for the feedback so far!


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Sesshomaru. I wish I could adopt him though.

**Summary: **[AU After Kagome loses her cat Buyo, she searches for a new pet to replace him. She soon finds and adopts a free dog in the Adopt A Dog services, not realizing the trouble he will cause. Now a full story series!

* * *

**Adopt A Sesshomaru – Chapter 5  
**_By Imperfectly-Yours_

* * *

As soon as the sun cast a paranoid eye over the land, Kagome woke. 

Actually, it was more like two o'clock in the afternoon (she had overslept, again), but it was a pretty good description, eh?

She laid in bed for a while, eyeballing a small dot on the ceiling, trying to figure out what the heck it was. But, after stretching, and yawning, and stretching, and yawning some more, she decided it would be best to get up now, while the day (and she) was still young.

Stretching her arms, Kagome walked to the bathroom, a million cracks and pops could be heard from her ankles and knees. She remembered when she was little and woke up really early to watch T.V. and her knees would crack loudly as she stalked to the living room, making her frustrated because her mother had the ears of an old paranoid agoraphobic lady, and would get up and tell her to go back to bed. Just thinking about it made Kagome flush with anger. She truly hated her bone joints.

Reaching the bathroom and closing the door behind her, she took a few steps forward when she felt something very slippery and wet under her foot. Grabbing the towel rack to avoid falling, she managed to barely save herself, looking ridiculously like an ice skater that was frozen doing a triple axle. Pulling her self up with much effort, she observed the scene before her with narrow eyes.

There were many large puddles of water scattered near the doorway, sink, and toilet. There she saw that both the seat cover and seat had been pulled open. Kagome rolled her eyes, realizing her bathroom had fallen victim to nasty male habits, one of which is they don't put down the toilet seat after going to the bathroom. But if that was the case, what was all this water from? And how come she saw small white hairs in the water, as if Sesshomaru had actually put his face in the puddles?

It was also at this point Kagome realized that the water she had almost fallen face first into was from the toilet. She let out a loud shriek and began to jump around frantically, as if it wasn't water on her she was trying to wipe off, but a million tiny evil spiders with evil fangs biting and crawling on her body…evilly. She had a thing about germs, and if someone wanted to find the breeding ground for tons of germs, the inside of a toilet bowl was germ heaven and probably, in germ world, an underage unsupervised party.

Eventually, she calmed down, and grabbing a towel from the rack threw it on the floor to dry it. Walking over to the toilet, she used a delicate finger and shut it, shivering as if doused with a large batch of cooties. Then, washing her hands off at least a hundred times, she finally exited the bathroom, this time watching for dangerous invisible pools of water she might slip across on the floor.

The house was silent.

_Almost too silent._

"Don't think that, Kagome. Whenever someone says that in horror movies, they usually are the ones who end up dying a horrible, tragic death." She reprimanded herself, walking around the various rooms in her apartment. But one thing did stick in her mind.

Sesshomaru was no where in sight.

Kagome frowned. She hated not knowing where he was, especially when she had just woken up and was already a little jumpy. Walking silently, she peered into dark corners and spaces she figured he was probably lurking in, muttering quietly to himself plans of ultimate world domination. Soon, after she had looked about the house in a paranoid way, she reached her couch and plopped down on it. He simply, was not here.

It still worried her that he could pop out at any moment, any where. She much felt like she had Plastephobia, except, in this case, would it be UnknownlocationofSesshomaruphobia? She shivered. And yet, the thought that Sesshomaru, at any time, could pop out of her ventilation system instead of a duck and scream "AFLAC!" was enough to put a smile on her face.

And that's when she heard it.

It was almost too low to hear, like the whispers of a confidential conversation in an upstairs room she was eavesdropping. But, it could be heard, and it seemed to be coming from her room.

Cautiously, she stepped into her doorway, hearing it louder than before. It seemed nothing more than an innocent growl, much like a puppy would make if he picked a fight with a kitten. Well, then it wouldn't be an innocent growl, because that was one mean puppy.

She shook her head, swatting away the conflict inside it. She had to figure out where the growl was coming from. Silently, she crept to the middle of her room, failing to notice that her underwear and sock drawer was completely askew, and many of its contents were on the ground, or barely hanging like fabric people holding on for their life. It was at this moment she heard another soft growl, and she turned around suddenly. It was coming from the closet.

She walked cautiously over to the door, surprised at her good stealth and coordination. She decided she wanted to be a spy. Then she crossed that out and wanted to be a super hero. If she was thinking the impossible, it was okay to dream.

Her mind raced, her heart thudded like an iron fist in her chest. Blood filled her hands as she reached for the handle of her closet, not sure if she was going face to face with Sesshomaru or something of equal evil caliber.

Closing her eyes for a moment, she opened the closet door quickly.

She almost screamed. She almost fainted. She almost peed on the carpet. She almost did a lot of things, but that did not change the scene that was before her.

_THE END. CLIFFHANGER!!!!_

(Just kidding, just kidding. Jeez, step away with the meat hacker, please!)

Oh, she had found Sesshomaru, alright.

But found him, sitting on her closet floor, with a mess of scraps and the remainders of what seemed to be underwear, scattered around him. And, in his mouth, was Kagome's favorite pair of pink underwear. Yes folks, in his mouth. He barred his teeth as he growled once more, shaking his head violently, and tearing her poor underwear to shreds.

Kagome attempted to say something, but could not. In any other situation she would be furious about her underwear being ruined, but not this time. She was too shocked to even do anything but stand there, digging her toe into the carpet uncomfortably.

Finally, Sesshomaru looked up at her, letting the remainder of the underwear drop to the ground. It was as if he had finally noticed she was there, but instead of standing up, apologizing for his insanity, and leaving promptly, he said nothing. And then he did something else that almost made Kagome recoil in fear for her own life: he began to crawl out of the closet on all fours. Kagome watched him much as she watched armadillos mating on the Animal Planet: disgusted, revolted, and somewhat fascinated.

As she saw him exiting her room, on all fours (or threes in this case) she noticed he had tied his boa around his waist, so that the long piece fell down, much like a makeshift tail.

_Well, you have a dog now._ She thought, numbness prying into her mind. _A dog that eat's your panties._

When he disappeared, she closed the closet door as if it was a coffin top, probably never to open it again. She numbly moved to her bed, her eyes still bulging as if she had just seen her parents…never mind. She breathed deeply, almost gasping, like a fish out of water. She could feel a part of her shatter and break inside her. _Her innocence_. It was as if she had seen something so shocking, that it had completely disrupted her inside, sending her over the edge of despair and agony, never to feel a single emotion again…

She realized she was being a little too dramatic, and snapped out of it. She was going to walk out and demand explanation from Sesshomaru. After all, those were her favorite pair of panties, destroyed by his mouth of death, and now lay in little pieces on her closet floor. It was as if she had a corpse now on her hands, but did not feel like going to the pantry and grabbing the vacuum to confiscate the body.

Instead, she began to walk out of her room, looking high and low (mostly low, now that he was reduced to crawling) as she made her way down the hallway.

Soon, she was at the door way of the bathroom. Peeking around her head around the corner, she could only gasp as she watched him, hands in front, dip his head into the toilet and take large gulps of water from the toilet repeatedly.

Kagome removed her head from the doorway, sinking to her knees. That is what the water on the floor was from, the water she had almost tripped on? Kagome sat, silent, relapsing into her shocked state as before. Soon, the sounds of splashing water stopped, and she watched Sesshomaru with a careful eye, crawl out of the bathroom.

Long after he was gone, Kagome continued to sit there. It was almost too much to bear. First the underwear, and now _this_? Kagome shuddered. She decided: there was only one thing left to do. Move out of the country, change her name, never talk to her family again, and most importantly, buy a new pair of shoes. Why that was so important; she did not know.

Orrr she could just forget about it and take another nap. His actions definitely addled her brain.

_-5 hours later-_

Kagome stretched. She had gone through with the nap plan, taking a nice long nap on the couch. But, she didn't know why she had been awakened. Perhaps it was because Sesshomaru was making a ton of noise prancing around the living room with a blue rubber ball in his mouth. Kagome looked at him for a long moment, then turned her back to him, and tried not to think about what she had seen.

So there she was, laying there, completely unable to do anything. She soon eyeballed the remote on the coffee table. Reaching it pathetically, she managed to grasp it between her pinky and her thumb, which probably made everything much more difficult than it should.

She turned on the T.V., a deep voice ringing out.

"We must find the ultimate weapon." It said, pausing for a moment, before continuing. "D.U.C.K." It, a man, finished.

"D.U.C.K.? What does that spell?" Another man asked, his face utterly perplexed.

"Duck." The other man said, obviously not paying attention to his stupidity.

"And what does it stand for?" He asked, now looking serious. The acting of this movie was terrible. Which didn't come as much of a surprise, as it had Keanu Reeves in it.

"D for death, U for ultimate destruction, C for chaos, and K for Koala, because they are cute and furry and I like 'em." The man with the deep voice replied, his face remaining serious as he listed the meanings. Instantly, Kagome burst out laughing.

"And where do we find this?" The smaller man said, obviously his accomplice.

"Well, I always like a little bit of adventure. So we'll be venturing to the vast empire of WalMart, where we'll buy it for a discount price." He replied, reloading his gun with a click.

She clutched her stomach and roared with laughter, before turning off the T.V. with the remote.

She desperately wanted to watch the rest of the stupid movie, because in the description it said there were Kung-Foo monkeys, bombing flying squirrels, and something about the PowerPuff Girls. But, it was already eight, and her stomach growled with hunger. She hadn't had dinner yet.

She walked to the kitchen, deciding to have some leftover sushi in the fridge. Grabbing it off of its shelf, she put it on the kitchen table, and didn't bother to get chop-sticks, instead greedily pushing it into her mouth with her fingers. "That's very unlady-like," she could almost hear her mother scold in her mind.

After eating a few rolls, she sat, content with the deliciousness of her meal. She realized she hadn't seen Sesshomaru in quite awhile, the last time being when he was prancing around the living room, having an enjoyable time with a rubber ball she was sure was under the couch since God-knows-when. She shook her head, almost annoyed. He really was acting like a dog. For heaven's sake, he was drinking out of the toilet! Perhaps he was just punishing her for being rude the other day. Or maybe he just finally snapped.

Kagome sighed and looked out her window. The moon was full and round like a porcelain face hovering in the sky. It was beautiful. And Kagome almost got up to get her camera to take a picture to put on MySpace. She decided against it, knowing it would ruin the moment, as MySpace does to many.

Using her fingers, she grabbed another roll and dipped it in her Soy Sauce, preparing to shove it in her mouth. But, midair, she heard a loud HOWL and she jumped nearly ten feet in the air, dropping her roll and watching it spin into an assortment of kitchen floor creatures under the table.

She stood up, and looked out her window, wondering where the heck the noise was coming from.

She heard it again, and realized it was a loud, long, howl, like a lone wolf would make, or a stray dog. Kagome opened her screen door to investigate. After the second howl, many dogs were beginning to join in, and many people were screaming "SHUT UP," or "YOU MANGY MUTT!" Kagome felt a pang of humiliation. She had a slight feeling she knew who had caused all this racket, after all, the howl was coming from her back lot…

She raced outside, not letting her eyes adjust to the darkness, consequently tripping on a few tree roots, her bicycle, and running into the shed she had no real use for. She was past humiliation. She was furious.

Kagome stormed about, wanting to find Sesshomaru. But the little trickster was clever, and instead of howling to reveal himself, remained quiet and still, completely unnoticed up in the tree by Kagome.

Burning with anger, Kagome let out a howl of her own, and returned to the house. Throwing away the rest of her dinner, no longer hungry, she went to her bed and tried to fall asleep, her body still pulsating with fury. But soon, she no longer felt angry, but tired. It had been an awful, shocking day, and she deserved a good rest (because sleep in till two and taking a four hour nap did nothing to solve her lethargy). Finally after many minutes of constant peeking out her window, trying to find the traitor, she decided to give it a rest, and gently drifted off to sleep…

It seemed only a minute later Kagome was woken up by another loud, deep howl. Half disoriented and the other half completely furious, she yelled his name with such hate even dust bunnies began to inch along her bedroom floor in fear. Kagome, who sat breathing deeply on her bed, got no other replies but the hateful cursing of her neighbors.

She lay back down, her breathing steadied. She was probably just dreaming.

Yet, as she laid there in the silence, she thought she could hear the soft snickering of someone outside her window…

_The End_

* * *

I think this is my favorite chapter, by far. I don't know what's funnier, the actions of Sesshomaru, or the movie on T.V. My friend and I made it up on the way to the movies today, and I HAD to put it in. I find it absolutely hilarious, because I have a thing about ducks and flying squirrels. Noticed yet?

Anyways, credit to the brilliant **Lilith-Dono **for suggesting the whole Sesshomaru-eats-panties thing. Without the amazingly hilarious idea, I would have had no clue what to do with this chapter. Thanks again! Oh, and sorry for the Keanu Reeves bashing I included. I personally think he is a terrible actor, even though I must give him credit for passing my skill in the field…I hope you don't find it too offending (crazy fans these days!).

Unfortunately I have a bit of bad news. I will be gone for two weeks on Monday for vacation. That means the chances of me adding chapter six are very slim. If I can, I promise I will. If not, I look forward to reading your reviews in two weeks, and I hope you have enjoyed the story so far!

Thanks for all the feedback! I hope you continue to make my day!


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Sesshomaru. I wish I could adopt him though.

**Summary: **[AU After Kagome loses her cat Buyo, she searches for a new pet to replace him. She soon finds and adopts a free dog in the Adopt A Dog services, not realizing the trouble he will cause. Now a full story series!

Oh my heavenly gosh! Sorry for the wait. I hope it was worth it though smile. I also made it a little longer than usual to make up for the wait. Enjoy! Reviews are lovely!

* * *

**Adopt A Sesshomaru – Chapter 6  
**_By Imperfectly-Yours_

_

* * *

_

The phone screamed throughout the house, barely heard underneath all the racket from the kitchen – timers going off, microwaves dinging, smoke alarms shrieking, ovens closing, babies crying, ducks quacking, elephants roaring –

Kagome had woken up early that morning, and with Sesshomaru no where in sight, decided to bake a thing or two.

Attempted to bake, that is.

She had the beginning of another cookie batch already begun, was frying some homemade donuts on the stove, and had a cake and two cookie batches in the oven. There was piles of flour on the counter and floor, dishes filling her sink, sugar and sprinkles on her kitchen table, syrup on the handles of the ovens, doorknobs, and packages, and batter on the living room window, though she had no idea why and how it got there.

Kagome looked up after hearing the second ring of the phone. She put down the egg shell she had gruesomely cracked open, and forgetting to wipe off her hands, picked up the phone.

"Hello?" She yelled above the smoke alarm that had gone off for the fifth time in a row.

"Hi, Kagome?" Kagome recognized the voice to be of her good friend Shaniqua-Pong, whose was neither black nor Asian but for some reason was given that name by her Indian family.

"Oh, hi Shaniqua-Pong. Can I call you back in a little bit?" Kagome asked, feeling as though her ears were about split open and make some sort of horrible mess on the carpet.

"Sure. It does sound like someone is dying over there. Is that an ambulance siren I hear?" Her friend replied.

"Close to it. Later Shan."

"Bye."

Kagome heaved her chest in an exaggerated way like she was giving birth, and hung up the phone – or at least, began to. As soon as she lifted her arm to pull away the phone, she discovered something was terribly wrong. The phone wouldn't budge from in-between her ear and shoulder. She pulled at it again, and felt the fabric on her t-shirt rip above the shoulder. But then, she discovered that even though the phone wasn't stuck to her shoulder, it was now dangling in her hair. She yanked it, but to no avail. All she could feel was her poor scalp begging for mercy.

Rushing to the bathroom mirror, she then saw that the syrup and sugar and whatever else was on the phone was causing it to stick to her hair. Pulling it again, she realized she had only one choice – she would have to chop off her head to get the phone out of her hair.

Thinking that over for a moment, she realized she didn't have to chop off her head, but only the parts where the hair was stuck. Grabbing the scissors from a drawer, she pulled the phone in front of her so that the portion of where it was stuck was straight. Then, feeling like she had no other choice, she grudgingly closed her eyes, and snipped.

She then felt a warm sensation on the side of her head, and when she put her hand to her ear and pulled her hand back, she saw a thick red substance on her hands.

"Oh no! I'm leaking tomato juice!" She screamed, and then saw her ear in the sink, and fainted on the floor….

(Just kidding, just kidding. Below is how it's supposed to be.)

Opening her eyes, she saw a piece of her long, black hair in the sink. But something else was wrong – the phone was still in her hair. She completely missed! Mentally slapping her forehead, she decided just to cut all her hair short, after all it grew back fast. After a few moments of snipping, her hair was above shoulder length, and she had the phone in her hands.

After hanging up the phone, she then rushed to the kitchen, knowing that probably her cookies were nothing but burnt crumbs and her cake was nothing more than a little black round thing.

After reaching into the oven, she almost jumped up and burned her arms when she heard a familiar voice from the hallway.

"Nice hair, Kagome." Sesshomaru snickered.

Kagome gritted her teeth.

"Thank you, I decided to cut it short." She replied, pretending not to be fazed by his criticism.

"Oh, yeah, short everywhere except in the back." He snickered lowly again.

After putting the cookie tray on the counter, she reached back to feel that there was still a long strand of her hair running down her back. Blushing slightly, she pretended to ignore him and focused on the cookies she just got out of the oven.

"Oh, and nice cookies too. I don't want any of those in my lunch box though." Kagome grimaced as they both peered down at her cookies, which looked like little aliens in fetal positions on her tray. One even was mumbling "Help me."

"What in the world did you put in those, anyways?" He asked, sniffing the air as she scraped them in the trash. She looked at the front of her recipe book.

"No wonder they didn't turn out right." She mumbled to herself after realizing she had followed a recipe from "How to Cook Your Own Alien Race!" She also trashed the book, instead looking back to where the donuts were. At least they, besides the fact that instead of having a circle in the middle they had various star shapes, squares, and triangles, looked normal and edible. She stuffed them in a bag and put them in the refrigerator.

Finally, she picked up the mixing bowl she had almost forgotten about and began mixing the eggs and flour once more, this time with a vengeance.

She decided to present the situation at hand as delicately and non-accusing as she could. (Though at first she figured that meant screaming at the top of her lungs at him for being such a first-class butthole.)

"The most peculiar thing happened last night, Sesshomaru." Kagome announced, starting to beat the poor eggs and flour in the mixing bowl extremely hard. They were victims to her anger.

"Oh really? Did another adoption of a dog turn out horribly wrong?" He asked, clasping his hands together in a false shocked, sarcastic way.

Kagome glared at him for a moment, and then went back to her mixing.

"No." She paused for a second to roll her eyes. "I went outside after hearing a very long dog or wolf call, I'm not sure. But when I went out there, the howling stopped, so I went back inside. That very same night, almost an hour later, that same howl woke me up after I fell into a needed sleep. Can you believe it?" Kagome looked up once more, to see what his response was.

"Hmm. Quite interesting indeed." Sesshomaru nodded, looking around vaguely.

"You know, I wasn't aware that any lone wolves lived in my one foot by one foot back yard, certainly not any invisible ones, or even ones that live in trees." Kagome hissed, but continued to keep her cool.

"It could be the squirrels." Sesshomaru suggested, shrugging.

"You know, that's what I thought, until I found _this_ in one of the branches of the tree." She exclaimed, holding up a piece of white hair that seemed to appear in her hand out of nowhere.

Sesshomaru, however, did not look taken back, or look _anything_ for that matter. She discovered that he, once again, had put a mask over his face so that she couldn't tell what he was thinking or feeling. She sighed.

"Sesshomaru, can you please take off that horrible mask? You know it bugs the heck out of me." Kagome said, her voice almost bored.

"Oh yeah, sorry." He replied, and pulled off his clown mask, and hid it somewhere behind him.

"Anyways." Kagome replied, looking uncomfortable.

"Yes, anyways…"

There was a moment of silence. It happened every time he took off his mask. But Sesshomaru continued not long after.

"Wow. I can't believe you actually have evidence they exist! This is a moment to be put into the history books." Sesshomaru exclaimed. Kagome furrowed her brows.

"What are you talking about?" Kagome asked, looking at him strangely.

"Well, of course you have heard the myths." He moved closer to her.

"The myths of what?" She asked, annoyed.

"The myths," he moved even closer to her, and then whispered in her ear, "of the black-eared … albino squirrels of … Schlitzenheimershingler–dur."

Before Kagome could figure out what he had said, he had already escaped to another part of the house. She almost chased after him with her mixing bowl, but she remembered she had a phone call to make. Grumbling about how she had let him escape an almost inevitable situation, she picked the phone out of its cradle, put down the mixing bowl she had no interest to mix with any longer, and pressed the redial button with a cool slickness that only existed in her mind.

"Hello?" She could hear Shaniqua-Pong's voice from the other end.

"Hey Shan, its Kagome. What's up?"

"Oh right. Listen, you know the boy I have been talking about lately, my 'item of interest?"" She questioned, suddenly talking very low.

"No." Kagome stated bluntly. She didn't talk to Shaniqua-Pong much.

"Oh. Well I've had my eye on a guy for quite some time. Yesterday, I finally had the guts to ask him out. The trouble is, he says the only way he can go is if it's a double date. At least, that's what his parents said. But don't worry, we won't be partying all night or anything. His parents set a 10 o'clock curfew for him on Saturdays. So, I was wondering if you could do me a big favor and come, bringing a guy with you of course." She explained.

Kagome looked perplexed. "Uh, Shan, how old is this guy exactly? I told you already – find someone your age!" She switched the phone to her other ear uncomfortably, remembering how a year ago Shaniqua-Pong went out with some guy that was way younger than her.

"22, of course." Shaniqua replied with an air of snootiness. Kagome sighed in relief. She didn't want to be a part of another police investigation.

"Huh. Well, you see, I don't have the looks today to go. I mean, I had to cut my hair short due to a phone incident, and its pretty messed up." Kagome made up a fast excuse.

"That's terrible!"

"And I don't exactly have anyone to bring with me –" She stopped herself, an evil grin spreading all the way across her face.

"Never mind. I have someone to bring, in fact, were engaged. So I guess I will come. It's a good time to escape this boring ol' house!" She suppressed an evil cackle in the back of her throat.

"Great! How 'bout you meet us at The Poisoned Tuna at 8 PM tonight? We already have reservations. It's a great sushi bar." Shaniqua questioned.

"Sure thing. We'll be there at 8 sharp." Kagome assured her friend, and then hung up.

She peered up at the clock hanging above her couch. It was only noon. That meant she had all day to tell Sesshomaru exactly what was happening that night. Naturally, she would wait till they had to go to tell him, so he wouldn't be able to back out. Yes, it would be a wonderful, wonderful night.

* * *

The clocked beeped 6 PM. Kagome hummed a cheery tune to herself as she put on a sleek black dress and brushed her hair that had grown down to shoulder length since she had first cut it. After tying it in a black bow, she called Sesshomaru, who was busy watching a program on TV. 

Soon, he was standing in her doorway.

"What?" He grumbled.

"Well, I've decided that we would go out tonight with a friend of mine. So put on this suit, and we'll go from there." Kagome said curtly, handing him the suit and proceeding towards the door.

"Wait a minute. I'm not going anywhere tonight." He responded, his claws beginning to stab into the suit she threw in his hands.

"I knew you would say that. Well, lets just say, I know the number to the kennel I got you from, and I'm sure you don't want to go back there again." Kagome replied, folding her arms against her chest.

His eyes turned to slits.

"I hate you." He replied, and shut the door in her face.

Kagome began humming another cheery tune as she skipped away, appearing as if she was picking daises in a field full of butterflies and fairies, not walking down the hall in her dinky apartment.

Kagome waited a few moments, touching up her hair, before Sesshomaru had called her (more like yelled).

"KAGOME! GET OVER HERE YOU LITTLE WORM!" Kagome suppressed a laugh.

"Yes, darling?" She pushed open his door and peeked around the side. He was standing in front of the mirror, observing himself. He looked very chic with his dark suit and platinum hair. But… he also looked like a girl. A girl named Butch. That was half penguin.

"I am in NO way obligated to wear such an ATROSITY." He yelled.

"What do you mean? You look very stylish!" Kagome tried to keep a straight face.

"What I look like IS A GIRL!" He began storming around the room, and Kagome winced as his hand soared through the air, almost demolishing her porcelain horse collection.

"Wait, wait! Come here a moment, ill fix ya up." Kagome attempted to soothe him.

"That is THE last thing I want!" He continued to storm around.

"No, no! I'm serious!" Kagome winced again as one of her Furby's went spiraling to the floor.

"Not Princess Sprinkled Cupcake!" Kagome said lowly as she saw her poor Furby lying facedown on the floor. She growled to herself as she faced him. She would, in NO way, have him destroy such a private and important collection of Furby dolls, especially not her favorite one.

"SESSHOMARU!" She bellowed. At the exact moment his hand froze, which was skimming the top of a very large stack of coloring books.

She sighed in relief as his hand went back to his side.

"Stop throwing a temper tantrum. You're acting like a five year old. Come here and I promise I'll make you look less like a girl." She said softly to cover up her silent laughing as she thought 'If that's even possible…'

He glared at her a moment.

"Fine."

"Good, now come here and let me work my magic."

After 15 minutes of "STOP PULLING MY HAIR, WENCH," and "YOU BRUSH LIKE A MANIAC," Kagome had managed to put his hair in a high ponytail, just before he broke the brush in a million pieces, claiming that it, just like the shower head, was a demon in disguise. Afterwards, she looked in her closet and under her bed, not finding the desired item she needed. Dashing to her computer, she saw what she was looking for.

"Well, I don't know how happy he will be about this. But it looks like I don't have much of a choice." She picked it up, and held it behind her back as she re-entered her room.

"Come here." She ordered, and Sesshomaru eyed the broken brush on the floor quickly before turning around.

Kagome placed the hat on his head, pulling the pony-tail through the opening in the back. Sesshomaru stepped towards the mirror, but Kagome pulled him back quickly.

"No time, we have to go." Sesshomaru grumbled at this, but followed her anyways.

Kagome silently breathed in relief as she picked up her coat and turned off the apartment lights. Sesshomaru would not be a happy penguin if he saw his hat said in big, bold letters "I LIKE BOYS AND BIG FLUFFY CATS."

* * *

It was a car ride from hell for Kagome. Not only was Sesshomaru constantly reaching towards the mirror in the car (Kagome had to convince him it was another demon in disguise), but she noticed another thing that would be impossible to cover up. He was wearing lavender makeup. At first she wanted to yell at him to take it off, but she had a feeling it was something more. 

"Sesshomaru, when did you get tattoos?" Kagome asked sincerely, trying not make it obvious that she was in a deadlock stare at his "eye shadow."

"They are markings, Kagome, you little-minded parasitic flea." Sesshomaru lashed back at her seriously.

"Markings? What guy gets pink markings above his eyes?" Kagome questioned, keep a steady gaze on the wheel.

"Why should I be complaining? Humans get ugly moles and freckles and wrinkles." He responded.

"At least they aren't pink."

Kagome giggled at his scowl all the way to the restaurant.

* * *

"And this is Ed Ible." Shaniqua-Pong announced brightly. At first Kagome was just outright stunned by his appearance (he looked like a platypus with a bad nose job, but even then that is insulting to platypuses) but then she realized his last name was no joke, and wondered how in the world Shaniqua-Pong managed to pronounce it without catching a major case of the giggles. What kind of parents _were _his? 

But Kagome, being the kind girl she was, kept her thoughts inside her brain and shook his hand brightly, almost gagging when she felt a slimy mystery substance on his as they shook.

"Nice to meet you. I'm Kagome Higurashi, and this is Sesshomaru … Higurashi." She stumbled along her words for a second. Sesshomaru extended out his hand, his facial expression resembling someone who was digging through a full food garbage disposal as he shook both Ed's and Shaniqua-Pong's hands.

Kagome couldn't help but notice Shaniqua-Pong's and Ed's eyes darting up to Sesshomaru's hat and then darting back down. But they didn't say anything. Luckily.

"Say, Kagome, wasn't Higurashi your last name before you got married?" Shaniqua-Pong asked as they walked up to a booth to get seats.

Kagome inwardly rolled her eyes at her friend's curiosity and could only picture her strangling Shaniqua-Pong and then cackling like a maniac in her mind.

"Uh, yes. Its actually a funny coincidence. Sesshomaru has, or had, the same last name as me…but don't worry, he's not my cousin." She let out a nervous laugh.

Everyone just looked at her strangely, including Sesshomaru, and some old lady sitting nearby she had never seen before in her life.

"Or my uncle, or father, or grandfather, or brother, or second-cousin, or nephew, or son." She added on.

It seemed at that moment, the whole restaurant went quiet. Even the two obnoxious teenage girls who were talking at a ridiculous speed ever since they first entered the restaurant were silent.

"What?!" Kagome said accusingly. People gave her one last glance before returning to their meals. Kagome could _feel_ the gossip about her.

"Your tables are this way." A hostess said suddenly, breaking the awkward silence between the small party of four.

Kagome looked up as they reached their table, noticing a large sign above it saying "This Way." Taking a seat closest to the window (in case A) Sesshomaru became angry B) the conversation became too weird or C) the food was bad) and politely thanked the hostess for the menu.

The waitress came to them a second later.

"Hi, my name is Name. Can I start you guys out with something to drink?" She asked, and Kagome couldn't help but notice she looked exactly like their hostess.

"Sure, and I believe we're ready to order too." Shaniqua-Pong replied, looking at Kagome to make sure. Kagome stupidly nodded, even though she hadn't even opened up her menu yet.

"Ed and I will both have the number 10005, part a, leave off section 2b and don't forget the sequins." Shaniqua-Pong stated, handing her menu back.

Kagome looked dumbfounded as the waitress turned to her.

"And you, ma'am?" Name asked.

"Uh, yes, my husband and I will have the number two." Kagome said, smiling sweetly as she hissed the word 'husband.'

As soon as the waiter was no longer in earshot, Sesshomaru whispered harshly in Kagome's ear.

"I don't want the number two!" He exclaimed, imagining in his mind a steaming hot number **2 **on a plate, complete with parsley as decoration, before him.

"Too bad. You could've spoken up, but I doubt they had any raw squirrel on rice." Kagome hissed back. In the distant corner of her eye, Kagome could see him give her a nasty look.

"Kagome, do you come here often? I've never seen anyone order something without looking at the menu when I come here with friends." Shaniqua-Pong took a sip of her water.

"Oh, yeah, sure. I come here every Tuesday and Thursday." Kagome fibbed.

"What a coincidence, I come here there too on those days!"

"Gosh, really?" Kagome faked a bug-eyed look.

"I never see you here on those days." Shaniqua-Pong was on to her…

"Well I come at weird times, sometimes it's around 3 P.M, sometimes 6. It varies every week."

Shaniqua-Pong inhaled dramatically. "Me too!" This time Kagome didn't fake a bug-eyed look.

"Did I say P.M.? I meant A.M.!" She said to shake Shaniqua-Pong off her tail.

"Well in that case, how is it never get to see you? We're here at practically the same time!" She questioned, looking more thrilled about this than humanly possible.

"Heh…big restaurant?" Kagome was at the end of her rope. She looked around, noticing how the restaurant was a small sushi bar and she could clearly see the faces of the people that were across the room.

"Imagination, you have failed me yet again." She mumbled.

"Oh don't be silly. It's weird how we haven't seen each other, but no matter. We should definitely get together sometime when we spot each other next. You should probably bring Sesshomaru too, because Ed will be here with me next. Speaking of Ed…" Kagome could sense a long, boring conversation ahead.

"Whoops, I dropped my fork." Kagome announced suddenly, picking up her fork and dropping it to the ground. She made it fake gasping noise, but it seemed Shaniqua-Pong paid no attention and continued to talk, this time about her beloved Ed Ible.

"His mother's name was Hydroxyethylcellulose, and his father was Poindexter. Both were well-off and enjoyed –"

Kagome ducked under the table once more, only to resurface a few seconds later, seeing that Shaniqua-Pong was still rambling on about something, and Ed was asleep on the table. She ducked, wondering where the heck her fork was.

" –eating sponges every night. Of course the meowing started later, and too many of the eaten-sponges eventually-"

She peered above the table once more, her hand feeling nothing but cold, gross Sushi-restaurant floor instead of her fork. Her fork had disappeared, but for a reason not known. It wasn't as if her fork could sprout legs and walk away.

(Yet, with everything that had been happening lately, Kagome could just picture in her mind a fork with silver legs running away from the table, cackling lowly and mumbling about how he was finally free...)

"-turned on all the lights in the house. They were determined to find the ghastly thing before it terrorized-"

Up and down she went again.

"his pajama drawer. And that was the end of that."

Kagome sat up finally, fork in hand, brushing the hair off her face.

"Sorry, found the fork!" she exclaimed, and then had a puzzled look on her face when she recalled what she had heard.

"That's good, Kagome. Can you believe what happened in the story? I never knew these things occurred!" Shaniqua-Pong exclaimed, the water from her spoon flying everywhere as she thrust her hand in the air.

"Neither did I." Kagome meant what she said, but she was sure Shaniqua-Pong was talking about something completely different.

(A/N: If you didn't understand that part, I'm really sorry to confuse you. What happened was Kagome kept ducking underneath the table and then coming back up, so she only heard part of the story that was being told.)

Kagome looked around. Ed was busy snoring, and Sesshomaru was wearing yet another mask, probably bored out of his mind.

Kagome growled lowly and swiped his panda mask off his face, putting it in her bag.

And then Shaniqua-Pong did something Kagome couldn't believe.

"That's, um, an interesting choice of make-up, Sesshomaru." Shaniqua-Pong looked at him oddly, trying to hide her confusion.

Kagome could hear his low rumbling growl. She had to make up an excuse, and quick, before their meal table was thrown in the air and turned upside down.

"Well you see, he's a feminist. I know, I know. It's odd for a man to be a feminist – but actually at one point he wanted to be a girl permanently. You know, a little gender confused. He went on a lot of shows – Oprah, Dr. Phil, A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila - and as time went on, he realized he just went through a phase. But during that phase, he had worn make-up every day, dressed up in girls clothing – the usual. He got into the habit of wearing make-up, and has done it ever since. But I wouldn't talk too much about it; he's a little touchy on the subject."

"You know, I do recall seeing Dr.Phil talking with a white haired man that was gender confused." Shaniqua-Pong admitted.

"Yeah I taped the shows for him. Sometimes, he feels ashamed for what he had thought, the relationships with men that he had… but when I show him the videos, it reminds him of the tough times he went through, and that, sometimes, thinking about men is okay. Isn't it, Sesshomaru?" Kagome smiled sweetly.

Sesshomaru's face was so relaxed to the point it was strained and sort of creepy.

Shaniqua-Pong took a polite sip of their drink.

"I see." Shaniqua-Pong took a sudden interest in a leftover seed on the table.

After moments of awkward silence, Sesshomaru finally spoke up.

"Please excuse me to go destroy – I mean go to the restroom."

"Of course, dear." Kagome addressed him kindly, fidgeting with her blouse buttons, unsure if she had taken it a little far.

She knew one thing for sure -

Those, poor, poor souls in the men's restroom…

_The End_

* * *

After reading this, it didn't turn out as funny as I hoped. Probably because I had the funny ideas for this chapter, but its taken me months to complete this chapter...so something was probably misplaced in that time...but anyways... 

ALSO, the complete story that Shaniqua-Pong was trying to tell is in my profile. If anyone cares.

Again, sorry for the wait! I had to cut it off here… but I will continue this little adventure next chapter, and how it will be for Kagome when she gets home -evil grin-.

Also, READ THIS BECAUSE IF YOU LIKE THIS STORY YOU WILL FIND IT INTERESTING!

I know for sure, I will have Kagome take Sesshomaru to the beach in the next few chapters. Also, probably in the next chapter, I will have Kagome's car break down. I'm not sure though. I NEED suggestions from you readers, on how to end this sucker. It seems like I'm just taking these two around in circles with my "WTF!" humor. Hehe. Not to mention, I think I'm disgracing the Inuyasha society by writing this story. I sort of, in a teeny tiny itty bitty way feel terrible for doing that… but this story makings me crack up because it's so full of randomness that's locked up in my body all day. Yeah.

So please send in these suggestions, whether it's in a review or an email or whatever (I already got one suggestion from a person about T.V., thank you!) the faster the suggestions get in the faster I will update.

See you soon! Maybe...hopefully...


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Sesshomaru. I wish I could adopt him though.

**Summary: **AU After Kagome loses her cat Buyo, she searches for a new pet to replace him. She soon finds and adopts a free dog in the Adopt A Dog services, not realizing the trouble he will cause. Now a full story series!

Wow…heh…long time no posting right? Well, I'm not going to remind you it's been almost a year since I last posted, cause that's sort of unnecessary, and I'm not going to say that I probably won't post the next part within the next week, because that would be foolish of me and discourage any new readers from continuing to follow along with this epic tale…

BUT what I will say is I will post as fast as humanly possible (if that's any comfort), AND what I will do is crawl back into a tiny dark corner and hope no angry readers will find me.

Oh, and enjoy. Reviews are cookies for the author. Everyone likes cookies.

* * *

**Adopt A Sesshomaru – Chapter 7  
**_By Imperfectly-Yours_

* * *

Kagome had her backed turned to the men's restroom for only about a minute before she realized it was her duty as a "loving pet owner" to watch after her "faithful pooch", and also make sure that if someone was to walk out dismembered, she could escape as fast as possible.

As Kagome watched the entrance to the restroom, she pondered what would be the best exit. She was sitting next to the window, but below was pavement – not a welcoming place to fall.

Another alternative would be to get bitten by a cat, transform into Catwoman, jumping out the window to then do a series of complex flips and summersaults off a few handrails, to then land only a few feet from the elderly woman and the small girl who were currently walking along the sidewalk, hoping the ice-cream cone that the girl held so tightly in her hand would drop from fright.

She sat there, deciding that would be no good (though rather cool). She decided on just running down the hall and out the entrance.

A few moments passed and Kagome realized that though Sesshomaru was taking a rather long time in the men's potty place, no one was coming out dismembered. In fact, only one man had come out so far, though she failed to ignore his large eyes and wheezes for "help." Kagome relaxed her tense shoulders as she then saw Sesshomaru stride out of the bathroom, glad to see there was a lack of blood, body parts, or anything of that grotesque nature.

Yet, there was something terribly wrong with the picture. Horrifically wrong.

His hat was no longer in place, allowing his long white hair to cascade down his shoulders.

As he sat down at the table and muttered strangled and forced apologies that sounded like someone choking and dying, Kagome decided to drop the bomb.

"Where is your hat, darling?" She looked at him with a creepy strained smile on her face. He took one look at her face and instinctively reached below his chair and put yet another mask on his face, this time one of a yeti.

Kagome growled, swiped it off his face, and wondered where the heck he got all his masks.

Before he could answer her question, their waitress Name had come with _delicious_ meals in hand. She placed plates in front of Ed and Shaniqua-Pong; their meals looked like a birthday cake covered in fish eyes. Kagome was slightly nervous as she looked down at her plate, but was slightly relieved when she saw it was a big brown mush of sorts – maybe mashed potatoes, onion soup, and macaroni and cheese mixed together. However, when she looked over to Sesshomaru, her relief disappeared with a poof_!_ and a cloud of smoke. His eyebrows raised, he looked down at his meal with disgust, curiosity, and pity.

Nervous, Kagome swallowed the wad of spit that was accumulating in the back of her mouth, not realizing the intensity of its size and choking slightly while reaching for her water, which she knocked over onto her lap.

"Kagome," he suddenly addressed her rather formally, obviously oblivious to Kagome's petty troubles, "I do not want to eat a meal that looks like something that came out of a cat's rear end."

Even though Kagome was busy mopping up her dress, she could still sense a golden opportunity shining bright. That, or it was the lamp hanging above their table.

She stood up abruptly. "That's it! I will tolerate it no longer!"

Shaniqua-Pong and her husband stopped chewing and looked up at her, confused. An eyeball slipped out of Ed's mouth and he sucked it back in quickly.

"What is it, Kagome?" Shaniqua-Pong asked lowly as the restaurant became unusually quiet.

"His attitude! He's been complaining about everything the moment we stepped into this restaurant! His rudeness is not fair for anyone!" She rattled on, trying to gather her coat when she didn't bring one in the first place.

Shaniqua-Pong tried opening her mouth but Kagome interrupted her mouth opening process. "No, no, don't protest. I know you are as equally upset but polite enough not to show it. Let's go Sesshomaru, gather your things!" She yelled.

Sesshomaru, who had slipped on another mask and managed to remain impassive, stood up and followed Kagome down the hall.

Slowly, the conversations of the restaurant returned.

"Blab blab bla blab bla" could be heard from the hallway where Kagome and Sesshomaru continued their flight.

* * *

"Caution to all: Police departments are on the lookout for a tall man with long white hair. He is potentially dangerous and any sightings of him should be reported immediately to local stations. He was last seen at 'The Poisoned Tuna" sushi bar in…"

Kagome's face was nothing slight of a scowl as she turned down the radio. Broadcasts like that had been repeating on almost all stations for the past few minutes. Sesshomaru looked far from sorry.

"Are you dumb? What exactly did you do in there? You're lucky we left when we did, the police must have showed up only moments after we reached the car!" Kagome ranted, both hands and eyes off the steering wheel, narrowly missing a large sign that said 'Be a responsible driver. Keep your eyes on the road.'

Sesshomaru seemed either oblivious or ignorant of what she was saying.

"Well? Answer me!" Her voice thundered.

"I do not need to explain any of my business. The information that I will indulge in you is this: when a fly pesters a human, they take care of it. I don't see them being searched for, yet I also do not see the difference."

Kagome wanted so desperately to reach over to him and throttle him but decided the little old lady who was crossing the street was more important. She slammed on the breaks and screeched to a stop, causing the old woman to fall over from fright, grocery bag toppling her.

"Look. I'm not going to get into philosophical mumbo-jumbo about the difference of taking humans lives verses other creatures."

"You just did, by bringing it up." He said matter-of-factly, instead taking more interest in the old lady that had just gotten up and was now swinging her cane around in a threatening manner.

Kagome's eyes narrowed.

"Whatever, Sesshomaru. Someday this will all catch up to you and I will just laugh."

He looked hardly threatened. The old lady was now advancing on the car, swinging both her cane and grocery bag with strength that someone her age should not possess.

"Perhaps. But for now, I say we continue back to your house."

Kagome, who had not been paying attention, say the old lady was only a few feet from her car.

"Oh jeez." Kagome put the car in reverse just in time; the cane came crashing down into the pavement.

"Dang whippersnappers!" The old lady cursed, launching a zucchini from her groceries at the car. It landed a few feet in front, and exploded as a vegetable bomb.

"Old people these days. Hell-bent on destroying the younger generations." Kagome shook her head, peeved.

She took a U-turn and turned right onto a freeway ramp. There were many minutes of silence, until the car gave a jolt and a pathetic little grumble.

Kagome looked at her dashboard and then cursed. Her fuel tank read empty.

"You've _got_ to be kidding me. Well, I guess I better pull over while I still can." She grumbled.

Putting on her blinkers, she pulled to the right side of the road, hearing many beeps and honks from oncoming cars.

Once she was safely to the side, she clicked open her glove compartment and grabbed her cell phone, straining to take it from the compartment.

"What are you doing?" Sesshomaru questioned.

"Uh, calling for help." Kagome replied with a _duh_ tone in her voice, turning on her cell phone.

"Aren't they supposed to be smaller?" He asked again, this time taking a curiosity in her cell phone, which was as big as her head and looked like a radio.

"What?" She looked confused as she took out an address book from below her seat.

"And aren't those already supposed to be on that?" Sesshomaru questioned again, pointing at both the address book and the cell phone in her hand.

Kagome turned a slight shade of pink, realizing what he meant.

"Yes, I know we are in the 21st century. I know cell phones now-a-days are super tiny and have address books, music, the internet, and god knows what else. My mom gave me this one a while back in case of an emergency, mostly in the car, and it still works. Probably better than some," she paused for a moment, chewing on the inside of her lip, "But hey, I'm not the one walking around in a kimono." Kagome laughed loudly as Sesshomaru abruptly turned in his seat, facing the opposite direction.

"Oh don't be so touchy. I'm sure you'd make it tops as a model. Very fashionable." She laughed even harder as she found her friend's number, and began dialing it.

She was still snorting with laughter even as the other line was ringing.

After a few rings, her friend answered.

"Hello?" A quiet voice on the other line responded.

"Hi there, is this Melikeypie?" Kagome asked politely.

Sesshomaru couldn't help but look over quickly and give a weird face.

"Yes. Why? Who's this? What do you want from me?" The voice began to sound panicked.

"Hey, it's Kagome. No don't worry I just have a small favor to ask you." Kagome responded.

"Oh, hi K-kagome. What do you want? Do I have to go outside? Is it light out? I don't remember." Melikeypie stuttered.

"Well the thing is I just ran out of gas out on the highway and I'm not too close to a gas station. Do you think you could bring me a gallon so I could get to one and get home?"

There was a long pause on the other end.

"I d-don't know. It's been a while Kagome." The stuttering returned.

"A while since what?" Kagome's eyebrows pinched together in confusion.

"Since, you know, I've been out…" Her voice trailed off.

"You'll be fine. I really need your help Me. I really do." Kagome's voice turned pleading.

"Well, let me check."

"Ok. I'll be here." Kagome sighed in relief.

Kagome covered up the talk piece of her phone. "She's going to check if she can go or not." She whispered.

"You must not have very many acquaintances." Stated Sesshomaru suddenly.

"What are you talking about? I have many friends. And Melikeypie happens to be very dependable. I wouldn't have called her otherwise." Kagome replied in defense.

Sesshomaru grumbled.

A sheepish voice could be heard faintly from the phone.

"Oh, hello? You back?" Kagome said quickly.

"Yeah. Well I guess I can go. I did pass driver's-ed after a few attempts right? I think I have my license. I used to have it at least. How much gas do you need? Is anyone with you? Will I have to talk to anyone besides you?" The panic in her voice returned.

"Melikeypie, just relax. You'll be fine. I am on Highway 45, beach route. You'll see us on the right side of the road just as you get off the off ramp. I only need a little bit of gas, I'll pay you once you get here. Okay?"

"Okay. I'll leave right now. I'll go out the front door right now, get in the car, and drive to you."

"Don't forget the gas." Kagome reminded softly.

"Oh right, the gas…well, bye then." She hung up.

"Bye…" Kagome turned the phone off as well, and sat there with a blank stare at the dashboard.

"We're doomed, aren't we?" Sesshomaru asked, slightly growling.

"No. She should be here soon." Kagome's face was covered in skepticism.

Several minutes passed. Kagome drummed her fingers against the door, staring blankly ahead.

Finally, she spoke.

"Well, I guess the only thing to do now is sit in the back seat…take off our jackets…" she smiled widely mid-sentence, raising her eyebrows suggestively.

"And do what?" Sesshomaru's left eyebrow twitched nervously.

"…and watch 'Everybody Loves Raymond!'" Kagome exclaimed suddenly.

"And what might that be?" Sesshomaru demanded.

"Oh, just a television show. I have a TV in the back. Com'on, you'll love the show. _Everybody _loves it. Hence the title." Kagome explained matter-of-factly, getting out the driver's seat, opening and closing doors, and plopping herself down in the back. Sesshomaru had not moved.

"Com'on. You have to watch it. I bet you'll be in a fit of giggles in no time." Kagome pleaded with him. He responded with a growl.

"I don't 'giggle.'"

Kagome cringed, feeling the heat of his glare on her face. She patted her skin, making sure none of it had melted.

"You know what I mean." She said softly, pushing in her video cassette recording of the show into the bottom of the TV. Yes, an actual video cassette player.

Slowly, but surely, Sesshomaru slinked out of the passenger seat and relocated himself to the back of the car.

"Excellent. Now the fun begins." Kagome smiled as she looked over to him, pressing the large play button.

_5 minutes later…_

"I _hate_ 'Everybody Loves Raymond!'" Sesshomaru exclaimed, flexing his claws in a threatening manner.

"What? Why?!" Kagome looked at him as if he was the weirdest looking person she had ever seen (which, he was, but just go along with the description).

"It is a torturous activity to engage in and yet again proves that the human race is petty, immoral, and weak." Sesshomaru grumbled, looking away from the TV.

"Well, _sorr-ee _Mr. Nevercanbepleased. I know I don't have any home videos of torturing people but this is a great show!" Kagome argued defensively.

"Not it isn't. It shows the stupidity of humanoids and how they deserve to be killed one by one."

"You're terrible!" Kagome exclaimed.

"Not as terrible as the show." Sesshomaru retorted.

"You're unbelievable." Kagome rolled down the window, staring out with angry eyes. "Maybe they should just make a show called 'Everybody Except Sesshomaru Loves Raymond' then!" She yelled.

(Little did Kagome know that at that exact moment she had shouted that out the window, an executive producer of television shows had driven by in his convertible sports car and heard her idea. Inspiration filled him as soon as he repeated the title in his head, now determined to begin working on this new show as soon as he got to his office.)

Sesshomaru didn't respond. Kagome pouted in the corner of her car, now watching 'Everybody Loves Raymond' much like a person who isn't hungry any longer but continues to eat.

* * *

There was a sharp poke. Kagome grumbled something about bumblebees and shoved the hand away. Another poke came and crashed into her skin, this time harder.

"Mmmwhat?" She asked lowly.

"Your cellular box is ringing." A deep voice replied.

At first, Kagome had no idea what the voice was talking about. Two seconds later, once the gizmos and gadgets in her head began turning, she sprang up.

"Hand it to me!" She asked furiously fast, quickly coming out of her sleepiness.

Sesshomaru lifted her cell phone from the front seat to her with ease. Forgetting the weight of it, Kagome reached out to grab it, and her entire front half of her body fell over with a loud "Oof!"

Even on the floor of her car, her hands scrambled to press the talk button before it was too late.

"Hello? Hello? Are you there?" Kagome said in rapid succession.

"Yes? Kagome? Mother? Who is this?" a quiet voice replied on the other line.

"Uh, this is Kagome. Weren't you the one who called me?" Kagome asked, realizing it was indeed Melikeypie.

"Oh, right. We'll, I think I see you. I'm going pretty fast so I'm going to slow down, pull over, walk to you, and then hand you the bottle of gas ok?" Her friend verified.

"Yes, yes. That's perfect." Kagome replied.

She looked in the rear view mirror and saw a small red car inch along the side of the road behind her at a snail's pace.

"Yes, she's definitely here." She announced quietly.

"What?" Her friends voice could be heard.

"Oh, nothing. I'll talk to you when I'll get here okay?" Kagome said quickly.

"Okay…now don't drive off or anything…bye." She hung up.

Kagome shook her head. "Sesshomaru, bask in the glory of this moment for I am about to agree with you. I do need more friends."

"Humans," he seemed to be scolding her, "_Always_ need to be proven wrong before they admit it."

"Weird looking men with white hair," Kagome imitated his voice, "need to rub in mistakes and failures even deeper with sponges and toilet scrubbers."

Before another argument broke out, the squeaking of a pair of bad breaks could be heard from behind the car.

"She's here. Don't say or do anything-" Kagome began, but was cut off as part of the face of her friend appeared beside her window. A pale hand reached in and dropped a large bottle of gas on to her lap.

"Hi there, Melikeypie. Thanks so much for doing this for me, it means a-" Kagome was cut off yet again, as Melikeypie let out a blood chilling scream.

Kagome was so surprised that she flung her arms up, and the money she had in her hands for her friend flew everywhere.

By the time the flurry of paper bills died down, Melikeypie had already ran to her car, peeled backwards, and headed down the freeway at what seemed a 100 miles per hour.

"What did you do?" Kagome accused Sesshomaru, looking at him strangely.

"I did nothing. But judging by her sour smell and pale skin, my assumption is she worked at the facility from which you took me."

Kagome's mouth formed a perfectly round O.

"I see. So your terror has spread far and wide. You probably ate a dog right in front of her and scarred her for life." She rolled her eyes.

"Again with the petty assumptions." Sesshomaru retorted. Kagome ignored him.

"Anyways. Let's get this show on the road." Kagome said, clearing money off the driver's seat and placing the key in to start up her car.

"What show do you speak of? Surely not that horrid nightmare from earlier." Sesshomaru asked, beginning to look angry at the slightest mention of 'Everybody Loves Raymond.'

"No, you idiot. It's a figure of speech; I meant let's get going, let's get moving, we should start going home now, and any other variation of that sentence you can think of." Kagome informed him, starting to turn the key to rev up the engine. "And I don't see why you have such issues with that show. Must have made a rude joke about your mom or something." She added with a flat voice. She turned the key completely.

But the engine would not rev. And so her efforts were futile.

"What the-" Kagome began, the color in her face beginning to rise in anger.

She turned the key twice. And then three times, and then four times, saying "No!" in a loud angry way after each failed attempt. But the engine would just not start up. The car sounded pathetic, wheezing and coughing like it had a cold.

After a few minutes, she was silent. And then she turned on Sesshomaru, her eyes reduced to dangerous slits. He looked back at her, sensing the danger ahead.

"_You!_ What did you do when I fell asleep?" She pointed a menacing accusing finger at him.

"I did nothing. While you were busy sleeping to regenerate the little energy you have, I merely sat in the car." He explained.

"Yeah right, 'merely sat there.' You were bored, weren't you? You wanted something to be blown up, didn't you? You put the engine somewhere, huh? Where did you take it? I know you're strong enough. Where did you put it, did you put it on the beach? What have you done?" Kagome rattled on, wild and strange possibilities filling her mind.

Her engine was somewhere out on the beach, she figured. Or it could be hidden in some dark corner with the rest of Sesshomaru's stolen goods and items of torture.

"You're brain must decrease in size every minute, just as I suspected. If I took the engine, you would have heard it being cut out of its container. And if I took the engine, your car wouldn't even be able to start as it did now." Sesshomaru snapped back.

Kagome's mind raced. She twitched.

"Well, then, what happened?" She raised her voice.

"Let me see. You fell asleep with that horrid show on. And if I am not mistaken, that uses energy to power itself. So for a few hours, the energy from the base of this contraption was used to allow that show to work." Sesshomaru stated simply.

Kagome's face was wiped blank. Her eyes, nose, and all facial features were wiped completely off and fell to the bottom near the break and gas pads as she realized one horrible truth:

Her car battery had died while waiting for her friend to get there.

And then she realized a truth even more horrendous, heart breaking, and terrifying:

_There would be no more Everybody Loves Raymond._

And then it began to pour rain.

Oh, and her cell phone died.

Oh, and water began to leak in through the roof.

Kagome slammed her head against the steering wheel in frustration, accidently knocking herself out. It was probably for the better. For Sesshomaru at least…

* * *

Morning came to a light headed Kagome who had a crook in her neck and smelled of wet socks left in the washing machine too long.

She stumbled out of the car, determined to find a town where she could find an ATM, a payphone, and a hot cup of coffee. She failed to notice that Sesshomaru was already missing.

She walked for a good ten minutes before she reached a small town on the outskirts of the beach. It was then she realized she wasn't far at all from a gas station, but that wasn't important anymore.

She looked like a bum that had just won the lottery. Literally. She skipped and danced midair as she leapt to the ATM and then twirled down the street to where she saw the large coffee and bright green sign hanging above a building.

"Oh yes, Starbucks. My savior." She looked up the sign and instead saw it was a fake of the restaurant.

"Er, Starmucks. You are…my savior…whatever." She corrected herself, looking around to see if anyone had heard her talking to herself.

And then she pondered whether she would really be talking to herself if someone else was around, but that is beside the point.

Kagome peered through the window, using her hands as shields from the glare. The coffee shop looked far from busy, except for a few kids who sat at a lone computer in the corner, giggling at something that looked like a picture.

Curiosity tingled her insides. That, or it was her poor stomach begging for food.

She pushed the doors open and strode inside the restaurant. The aromas she smelled were surprisingly good. But she barely noticed. She kept her mind focused on the blaring computer screen, and the three adolescent males surrounding it.

She snuck closer, pretending to be looking at the menu above, but instead stole a glance at the picture.

But the picture looked too familiar for comfort.

In fact, it was not the picture that looked familiar, but what was in the picture—

There was her car upholstery. There was her steering wheel with the scratch on the left side. There was a mess of money across the dashboard and seats.

And there _she was_, with hair that looked like a bird nest she once found in a tree, complete with eggs and bird feathers; with a mouth wide open in an apparent snore, a dribble of spit sneaking out of the corner of her mouth; with skin that looked almost green in the light she was in.

And plastered right above her face were big red letters saying: "Who wants to look like her? STAY AWAY FROM DRUGS!"

And there this horrible picture was, on all major and popular websites, somehow within 8 hours of the picture being taken. And people were getting _a kick out of it! _

Oh yes, Sesshomaru was a busy boy last night. Very busy indeed.

Suddenly, Kagome was no longer in the mood for coffee. She burst out the front door of the shop and took a few angry steps before reaching the sidewalk on the opposite side of the street. And then she stopped, turned on spot, and faced the town.

"It's on! Everybody better be prepared for World War II!" Kagome shouted loudly, raising both hands in the air as if she was an enthusiastic concert attendee in a moshpit.

As evil thoughts began to breed like rabid bunnies in her mind, she was completely unaware of an elderly man behind her who was scooting along at such a slow pace it didn't even look like he was moving at all.

"Young lady, you do know there's already been a World War II?" He croaked.

Kagome was both surprised and embarrassed as she turned around to meet whoever had challenged her logic. Seeing that it was, in fact, an ancient hominid, she muttered "stupid old people" under her breath and switched the dial on her tone of voice to "sassy."

"Uh… World War II – World War III, what does it matter?" She replied, shrugging her shoulders.

"It makes all the difference you know. You could offend a lot of people who had lost someone in the Second War. You're lucky I'm a sensible person." He responded, shaking his finger at her.

_Yeah, sensible alright. You probably lost your brain in the Second War. _Thinking this was a slick comeback (though she didn't even say it aloud), Kagome had to refrain from snorting with laughter.

But because she grew up at a shrine and had to learn to respect ancestors, she decided she'd take a more polite route.

"Right. Do I know you?" she questioned with raised eyebrows.

But it seemed like he had either not heard her or chose to ignore her question. "And you're also lucky I'm not going on about this." He added on instead.

"Of course you aren't." Kagome's voice was heavily sarcastic.

"Well, I'm not. It was only a silly mistake on your part. It wouldn't be exactly fair if continued to drabble on about something of little importance." The old man blinked many times behind his large spectacles and licked his lips – the nasty habit of old people. He obviously was unaware that he was indeed contradicting everything he was saying.

"Good thing you aren't I guess." She inwardly rolled her eyes.

"Exactly, because if I was, I would be mentioning about how you made the initial mistake of saying World War II instead of World War III, and then denying how you made that mistake by trying to blame me of caring too much, and then continuing on in a large circle of continuation by mentioning about how you made the initial mistake of saying World War II instead of World War III, and then denying how you made that mistake by trying to blame me of caring too much, and then continuing on in a large circle of continuation by again saying…"

The sound of his voice faded as Kagome mentally tackled the old man to the ground, throttled him, and then beat him with a rubber chicken. She couldn't imagine how Sesshomaru would be as a crippled old whatever he was.

"Alright alright! Correction! World War III is about to begin!" She yelled, feeling like she was at the end of her rope.

The silent pause after what she had yelled was too long for comfort. Even the old man was quiet. Usually, a silence like this was followed by laughter, crickets, or some other loud pestilence of noise…

"Aiiieeee! Everybody, to the bomb shelter!" A women yelled suddenly, arms flailing as she ran around pointlessly in a large circle in the middle of the street.

More screams filled the streets as people covered their heads with whatever they were holding. One unfortunate person tried lifting a watermelon and ended up falling face first into the cement sidewalk.

"Run, run! Grab your sister and head home! I'll fight them off as best I can here!" Another man yelled to two twin babies in strollers, who were contently sucking on pacifiers.

"I love you! In life and death!" A woman said to the large chocolate cake she was holding, before completely smashing her face into it, bits of pastry flying everywhere.

"Save the ducks! Whatever you do, save the ducks!" was the last voice that could be heard above the many other screams. Kagome could not see where the voice was coming from, and could not imagine the sort of situation that person was in.

Kagome continued to watch the commotion of the once quiet street in disdain. She sighed loudly, the symptoms of a five-year-old-pout beginning to show on her face.

"I can never win, can I?" she mumbled to herself, not realizing the menacing dark shadow she had mistaken as the shadow of a tree earlier (though she noted it looked awfully like Sesshomaru) moved slightly.

"Nope." A voice behind her replied, as the sleek shadow came into the sunlight.

_Dundundun._

(Gee, in this sort of story, I wonder who that could possibly be.)

_The End_

* * *

Yay! Its 3:08 in the AM and I finally finished this godforsaken chapter! Sorry if it isn't funny. I rushed it a bit.

I have the rest of the series planned out so it should be a bit easier to write and complete chapters.

Cheers


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Sesshomaru. I wish I could adopt him though.

**Summary: **[AU] After Kagome loses her cat Buyo, she searches for a new pet to replace him. She soon finds and adopts a free dog in the Adopt A Dog services, not realizing the trouble he will cause. Now a full story series!

AND SO THE LEGENDARY TALE CONTINUES!

Oh, and enjoy. Reviews are cookies for the author. Everyone likes cookies.

* * *

**Adopt A Sesshomaru – Chapter 8  
**_By Imperfectly-Yours_

* * *

Kagome whipped her head around to face who she highly suspected was behind her. And so he was.

With a sneer on his face that she wanted to rip right off he stood there, quite relaxed as if the air around him was full of butterflies and fairy kingdoms. However, Kagome realized that would not make him relaxed but quite irritable, and so she figured air full of poison noxious gas fumes and anthrax and evil creatures of darkness would be a more suitable environment for him. But this is beside the point.

She turned and faced him, her right eye twitching as the temples on her forehead began to swell to the size of balloons. She continued to glare at him with such intensity it seemed lasers would erupt from her eyes and melt his face off. Her eye continued to twitch until she realized she had only had a piece of dirt in it and removed it promptly and continued glaring.

He let out a chuckle. "So, petty human, I see you've discovered your faults."

"So, petty human, I see you've discovered your whatever." Kagome mocked him, attempting to imitate his voice but instead sounded like Spongebob Squarepants having a seizure.

"I understand your anger. But perhaps you can look it at this way: we played a game, and you lost." Sesshomaru's voice was cool and collective and was like knives to her ears.

She scoffed, almost laughing at him. "That's what you choose to believe. But I'll tell you Sesshomaru, this game is far from over. And I may have lost this round, but next round, oh, you're SO going down." She made an exaggerated bear-like noise and flexed her non-existent arm muscles high in the air.

A woman carrying her young child that was passing by on the sidewalk gave a weird glance and crossed the street immediately, the child now crying hysterically. This was ignored.

"Besides," she added, "You still have to return to my house and live under my rule and you can't do anything about it." It was her turn to sneer at him but she only made herself look inhuman. This often happened in Kagome's moments of frustration.

"I was unaware of such guidelines." Sesshomaru seemed unimpressed.

"I'm sure you were. The people that are unimportant are often misinformed." Kagome smiled teasingly.

"And those who are more important are often graced with stupidity. Where might I find such information?" At this, Kagome's smile dropped off her face and scurried down the sidewalk. She could never say an insult without receiving an equal or more insulting response. However, she did not let this affect her.

"I have it in official documents at home." She stated matter-of-factly.

"You mean this document?" Suddenly Sesshomaru took out a piece of paper, almost like he grabbed it from thin air. It was in fact the registration paper saying Kagome was the rightful owner of her "dog," Sesshomaru.

"Ooh, you're good." Kagome looked slightly taken back but then covered it up quickly. Inside her mind she cursed and yelled and yet still had an irresistible desire to know where he got his filthy hands on that.

"You know, I am done arguing about this. You are a jerk, and that is just a fact of life. I am going to go home now and try to recuperate from all this nonsense and continue on with my life." She said after a few moments of silence. She stared down at the hill and then slowly began walking.

He then followed but she did not object.

"Have trust in me that this human pettiness is too much for me to handle as well. I will be glad once it is ridden from my life." He stated as he strode along side of her, not realizing the extent of his words.

"Ugh, what is it with you and humans?" She snapped back at him with the velocity of a rubber band. "Do you have some sort of superiority complex? I'm sure there are plenty more of 'your kind' hiding somewhere in some dark corner but until they surface you're the only thing petty around here. Unfortunately you happen to live in a place where there are very more humans and very less of you."

"That it is what you choose to believe." He said lowly, as if he had not meant to say it aloud.

She pretended that she didn't hear that, now suddenly feeling very paranoid as they continued to walk down the gravel road to her car.

Luckily, they reached her small pathetic car within a matter of minutes. The remainder of the walk was almost unbearably awkward, like walking with a guy trying too hard to impress or walking with someone in a full-scale Barney costume or walking with someone missing an arm – wait, scratch that last one.

All in all, Kagome was glad to be sitting in her cheap and uncomfortable car chair which was too far from her break and gas pads but couldn't be adjusted because she snapped off the lever many years ago.

Actually, scratch that last one as well.

She started up the car, and off they went through the lovely countryside of Japan, site-seeing all the great smog on the horizon and trash littered on the streets and cars old beyond recognition but still sitting on the side of the road with a "For Sale" sign hitched to the back.

The whole way home Sesshomaru wore a mask, this time of a panda bear.

And Kagome didn't even bother to swipe it off.

Things were amiss, very amiss.

* * *

"Oh my gosh! Look at those sales!" Kagome squealed loudly as she looked over a catalog spread across her dining room table.

"One percent off on jeans when you buy two pairs, buy seven get one free on electronics, and two percent off on all underwear when you buy a pair of pink socks! I can't believe how great these sales are!"

Simply put, the sales in Japan weren't all that great. Nonetheless, Kagome was thrilled.

"It is _so_ time for shopping. I need some new clothes anyways." Kagome said to herself, just as Sesshomaru strode into the room. She looked up, and her smile fell.

"Oh, it's _you._" she said she began folding up the paper and stuffing it into her already stuffed to the brim purse.

He gave her such a threatening look that it sent shivers down her spine, which she tried to pass as a weird back stretching maneuver. She would not let him see any signs of weakness, oh no.

Kagome picked up her purse and began walking from the room. She planned to take her purse and go to the bathroom and leave right after, but as soon as she walked by Sesshomaru a thought struck her.

What was she going to do with Sesshomaru as she went out?

Leaving him at home and unattended was like rolling a wrecking ball through a town made of graham crackers. Yet taking him with her was also an equivalent disaster. Taking him through a mega-store that was filled with toys, children, and not to mention happy things galore, would be a terrible event indeed. Perhaps she could keep him in the car, but Kagome knew that was no good either. She stood there pondering for many moments, her eyes transfixed to the ceiling, receiving weird glances from Sesshomaru who was standing right next to her.

She then came to a conclusion.

He would have to come with her if her life, her home, and her stress levels had any value to her.

"Well, Sesshomaru, looks like you'll be going to the store with me for a bit of shopping." Kagome announced to him, after making sure she was a good few feet from his claws.

"What is this shopping that you speak of?" Replied the deep voice of Sesshomaru.

"It means to go out and buy things you like, even if you don't have enough money to go in the first place." Kagome answered, gathering up the remote to the TV and placing it on the coffee table, though she was sure it would end up on the floor in a matter of minutes anyways.

"Another habit of humans, I see. I shall stay at home and tend to the rodents in back as you are away. I will not engage in such foolish business." Sesshomaru had seemed pretty clear that he did not want to go, but Kagome would not give up on such matters as shopping.

"You don't have a choice." She replied so curtly and seriously even Sesshomaru seemed taken back. She grabbed a coat from the couch and proceeded to the door.

Sesshomaru continued to stand where he was. She grunted.

"Look." Kagome said softly. Sesshomaru looked at her in a threatening manner, disapproving her soft tones with him.

"I WILL NOT MISS THESE SALES!" her voice suddenly exploded throughout the room.

Anyone who was there to witness could agree that at that moment, Sesshomaru's hate for humans grew two sizes that day. As well as Kagome's blood pressure.

Two minutes later, they were off.

After a few minutes of driving, they pulled into the parking lot of the megastore. It appeared that every single parking spot was filled. Sesshomaru grunted, obviously irked by this.

Kagome drove very slowly into the first row. Many other cars were circling around but no one appeared to be leaving. A few rows to her a left the red lights of a car backing up were shining and instantly ten cars were circled around, barely giving the poor person enough room to leave. Kagome sighed, hoping there was anything left by the time she got into the store.

She continued to drive around in pointless circles, until Sesshomaru spoke.

"What of that space over there?" he pointed to an empty place at the end of the row they were at. However, another car right next to them had also seen the spot.

Warning: Kids, Do not try this at home.

Kagome, realizing the situation, jolted to action. She punched the gas and wheels squealed as she pulled forward. She continued to press down on the gas pedal, almost reaching full speed, as she was neck and neck with the minivan beside her. Suddenly, a rogue shopping cart rolled in front of the two cars' paths, and miraculously, Kagome swerved to the right just in time, with the other minivan breaking and narrowly missing it as well.

Despite this, Sesshomaru was still indifferent.

Kagome slammed on the break and she turned her wheel as far to the right as she could. After a long turn, she released all pressure from the pads and skidded into the empty parking spot, bumping the curb with a big shake.

With a shaky hand, she turned off the engine, smoke rising all around them. Sesshomaru sighed loudly and unclipped his seat belt, getting out the car. Kagome looked in the rear view mirror as the same blue minivan passed by her car, noticing a large "baby on board" sign plastered to the side window.

"Wow," she breathed, "I really need to get myself one of those." And then she grabbed her purse and exited the car.

* * *

The store was packed beyond belief. People of all sizes, heights, and shapes filled almost every aisle. Yes, even triangle people. (Which gave Kagome some peace of mind, for at least Sesshomaru wouldn't be such a sight.)

Kagome took note that the toy section looked like it had been bombed several times, after all it was mid-fall and near holiday season. She also noted that the electronic section had fallen victim to a large crowd and now to rampant scavengers who were picking at the empty shelves, hoping to collect the last bit of spark plugs and battery packs.

"What place is this?" Sesshomaru suddenly asked, remarking at all the loud sounds, amount of people, and smells even Kagome could detect.

However, Kagome was too busy trying to make her way through the people that she did not answer him. She looked back, expecting Sesshomaru to be swallowed by the crowd, but he was surprising right behind her.

"Let's go." She yelled over the roar of the people who weren't really talking about anything at all.

She took a few steps and looked back. To her horror, Sesshomaru was nowhere in sight. This would give anyone reason to panic. She backtracked, looking high and low, well mostly high, and for white hair. She saw no one that resembled Sesshomaru. She raced around in every direction, and was almost near the exit. She imagined he was off in some dark corner of the store doing god knows what.

And then, she saw it: sparkling white hair.

She ran over, pushing many people out of the way. What she saw was not good.

Sesshomaru was being antagonized by an employee that looked to be about fifteen. Even through the loud noises of the crowd she could hear his obnoxious voice loud and clear.

"As you can see here sir, on this Safety Regulations and Store Procedures sign, that we do not allow anyone in who does not wear shoes. And as anyone can very well see, you are not wearing any shoes at all."

Kagome cringed as she stepped forward to the scene.

"You pestilence. The matter of my feet and its wear is of my concern. Your interference is unnecessary. Do you vile creatures know no other action than to pester and annoy?" Sesshomaru bared his teeth, almost growling. His hand twitched. The boy, however, was diligent and did not show any signs of fear.

"I do not appreciate being called a pestilence, sir. I am just doing my job. I suggest you step outside before I call security. You are breaking the safety regulations. It is for your own good." He replied, adjusting his belt.

Kagome grumbled as she pushed Sesshomaru out of the way.

"I am sorry," she looked down at his name tag, "Jimboy, for any problems my friend might have caused." Kagome smiled sweetly, but the boy seemed unaffected.

"Your friend cannot come into these premises without the proper attire, as shown here." He gestured to the regulations poster, which had a nifty drawing of sneakers.

"I understand. But the thing is, I was hoping it would be understandable this one time. My friend lost his only pair of shoes today and we need to buy new ones so we decided to come here." Kagome explained, the boy raised his eyebrows.

"Well, I suppose that can be accepted, but only just this once." He said in a stern voice.

"Of course. Thank you." Kagome nodded her head in goodbye and yanked Sesshomaru along.

Little did she know that the employee had just contacted the manager about a stolen scarf. He was a teenager with a vengeance and a little too much power.

The duo first passed what remained of the toy section. Children ran around crazy, bright bouncing balls flying everywhere. One even hit Sesshomaru in the head, and as it fell he caught it between two fingers and popped it. The plastic whizzed as it fell to the ground, and a little boy came up, picked up his popped toy, stomped on Sesshomaru's bare feet, and ran away at an unnatural speed. Kagome wondered how many pounds of sugar that kid was on.

"Well, you deserved that one." Kagome commented with a smirk, but could feel the angry glare on the back of her shoulders.

They passed the next aisle, where two women, apparently mothers, tackled each other over the last army toy truck.

"It's MINE!" said one.

"I grabbed it first, you ---" said the other, pulling out a fistful of hair.

"Such vicious creatures." Sesshomaru remarked, and Kagome suddenly felt like she was part of a nature documentary on the African Safari.

"Welcome to the Holiday Season. Just wait till we have to go to the grocery store for Thanksgiving." Kagome said scowling.

They then passed the pet section, which had many cute bunnies and dogs for sale. While Kagome paused and went "Awww," Sesshomaru's face twisted with disgust and went "I wouldn't place such things in my stomach if I was on the brink of death." Kagome rolled her eyes and continued to drag him along.

They passed by the children's section of clothing, where one small girl had the courage to run up to Sesshomaru and say "Puppy!" He tried his best to ignore the little creature, but he did crack his knuckles menacingly as she tugged on his pants. Before Kagome could stop her, she ran along behind him and pulled on his great fluffy boa, thinking it was a tail.

Kagome covered her eyes, not wanting to see the blood. After several seconds she peeked, seeing Sesshomaru give the girl "the eye." The child took one glance and ran away hollering "I don't wanna keep him anymo!"

"That was quite the look." Kagome commented as they continued down the aisles in search of Women's clothing.

"Filthy creatures. Always the need to touch." Sesshomaru said coldly as they continued walking.

Kagome had finally found an employee and asked where she might find the Women's section. After a brief insult to her about how she didn't look like she should shop in women's yet, Kagome discovered the section was conveniently located at the very end of the store.

On the way there, they passed many other sections.

The optometrist at the eyewear shop had saw Sesshomaru from the back. Therefore, she only saw his gleaming white hair and strange outfit. He looked like a perfectly suitable old person. She called out to him.

"Excuse me, sir?" He turned around, facing the woman.

"Would you like to buy glasses?" she asked, holding a pair of new glasses in her hand.

He took them. "Is this trickery?" His eyes flashed dangerously.

"Ah, just as I suspected! You are in need of glasses. You cannot even tell what's happening in your surroundings. That is the product of old age." She laughed.

Suddenly, there was there a loud sound of crunching. The women looked on in shock as the glasses had given him were crushed into a fine powder with a single hand.

"Hey, you're going to have to pay for that!" she cried. In response, Sesshomaru poured the powder from the glasses into her open palm.

"Alright then." Kagome grabbed Sesshomaru by his "shirt" and pulled him along. "Why must you always get in trouble?"

He made no response.

After being offered a diamond ring for their so called "engagement," food for their so called "empty stomachs," and deodorant for their so called "sweat dripping off their faces," they finally reached the Women's Section.

Which, just like everything else, was completely desecrated.

A few pants hung on almost empty racks. She walked over and looked at their size, and saw they were either way too big or way too small. A few shirts remained, but for good reason. Not even a blind person would have the taste to pick those out and take them home. She grunted in displeasure.

They continued to walk through the destroyed department.

And then they reached the lingerie section.

Kagome forgot to bring something to cover Sesshomaru's eyes.

Instantly, he was upon the frilly and practically see-through undergarments. He picked up a pink bra, holding it near his eyes, like some sort of goggles.

"Hn. Interesting." He said as Kagome flushed a bright red and tore the bra from his hands. However he was far quicker than she. He strode over to a black lingerie outfit hanging up on a hanger. Poking at it with a sharp claw, he discovered it wasn't as dangerous as it looked. He then grabbed the bottom of it and pulled, noting the stretchy material. Sesshomaru took advantage of this. He took the fabric and pulled it all the way to the floor, a good few feet.

And then simply, he released.

With a sharp twang, the black lingerie soared off the hanger and high into the air. It hit the high ceiling, and then fell slowly like some sort of parachute, landing far off into the children's section. As it disappeared into the clothing racks, a scream could be heard, and a large thump.

Kagome stomped her foot in response. "Sesshomaru! Stop being a little kid!" But he simply ignored her.

"What does this contraption do? Perhaps a weapon launcher of some kind?" Sesshomaru asked as he held up a very skimpy piece of underwear and stretched it with two fingers, aiming it at a woman nearby.

"Sesshomaru! Put that down!" Kagome whispered harshly, reaching for his arm and instead jostling him, causing him to release the panty. They watched it soar, past the woman a few feet away. It landed on the carpet beyond, exactly below the wheel of a shopping cart being wildly pushed by a teenager. The wheel got stuck on the underwear, the cart then doing a complete flip, and burst into flames.

Kagome stared on with wide eyes. "Well, guess it's time to go home now!" She pushed Sesshomaru out of the clothes and on to one of the many shiny pathways.

After many minutes of walking, they came upon a few people standing right in the middle the path, almost blocking it. Kagome tried to walk in front, but they stopped her.

"Hey, hey! No cutting! Wait in line like the rest of us!" They yelled in unison. Kagome was taken aback.

"This is the line for the registers?" Kagome asked in disbelief. They had to be in the middle of the store!

"No," they said with an air of arrogance, "this is the line to get into the lines for the register."

Kagome instantly dropped the two pairs of underwear she was hoping to buy. "You know, I think we'll just go home, Sesshomaru."

And so they trudged on, getting many shoves and dirty looks from people as they pushed on. Kagome made a note to take a shower when she got home.

Finally, they reached the entrance of the store. Continuing to push aside abandoned carts and people who were obnoxiously standing still in the way, they took one step past the automatic doors when an alarm sounded.

"There he is! The man who is stealing the scarf!" Came the same loud and obnoxious voice of the teenage employee. Kagome looked back to see him pointing right at them, with an army of security guards and other red-dressed workers behind him.

At first, she wondered what the heck they were talking about. What scarf? Kagome looked at Sesshomaru, then realizing the great fluffy boa that was wrapped around his shoulder. Color dripped off her face onto a puddle on the floor.

There was a general outcry of yelling, screaming, and stampeding feet.

"Run! Run!" Kagome yelled, as employees and security guards began to chase after them.

Using a speed Kagome didn't know she had, she sprinted out of the store and to her car with Sesshomaru right on her tail. She tried to open the door without unlocking it first, and then pounded on the window as if she would be let in that way.

The army of workers was almost to their car.

Kagome's fried brain managed to see the glimmer of her car keys held in her hand. She clicked the unlock button, opened the door, and dove into the car in an unnecessary way. Sesshomaru, on the other hand, calmly sat down into his seat, closed the door, and put on his seatbelt all before Kagome had even sat up.

When she did, she turned on the car, she yanked the stick in reverse, and pulled out, almost bashing into the same lone shopping cart they had narrowly missed earlier. Soon, after a series of complicated turns, they had managed to exit the parking lot all in one piece. Sort of. Kagome had yet to realize that she had broken off her side-view mirror passing a concrete wall. That was for the best.

All was quiet in the car until they were almost back to her house.

"I will never forgive you for this, human." Came the quiet and dangerous voice of Sesshomaru.

Kagome looked back at him in outrage. "I will never forgive you! I didn't even get to buy anything!"

_The End_

* * *

Please review!

Somehow I got a stroke of genius and made this story within two days. Very unexpected, I'll tell you. I have to say I really like this chapter, and I have the next chapter figured out. Hint: Sesshomaru discovers Kagome's secret habits. You can only imagine, right? Hah.

And please remember, I am always taking suggestions for new chapters. I might just turn this story into a suggestion center, and chapters are built off of ideas I get from readers. I think that would be pretty fun. Not to mention easy for me!

I'll start writing the next chapter pretty soon, most likely this weekend. So sit tight, more adventures that make the duo look like idiots will be up soon!

Cheers


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